Movie Marquee Friday: Dark Addendum

The training grounds are not for such as you...
He puts a lot of himself in his branding...

Out of the shadows, something new comes...

Waking from a dream of scarred concrete...

The hooting Shaft of the martial arts set...

The streets will pay in bloody gunshots...

Over watered-down drinks served by Delilah...

Titters of gossip ruin the piece's elegance...

Kung Fu Fridays in April 2012

Tonight, Hot Potato feat. Black Belt Jones, some silly Blaxploitation before we go to a friend's housewarming party. But in April? Here's what we'll be watching (and what you'll be finding in my capsule reviews). I've decided on a trilogy of sorts, or rather, a trilogy of swords, and a smooth back and forth between China and Korea, between vintage and contemporary.

Bastard Swordsman - A late era wuxia film from the Shaw Bros., I've heard good things about it and it did spawn a sequel. Just from the tiny pictures on the back of the DVD, I can tell there's a lot of wire fu on this one, and even people shooting chi out of their hands. Bring it on, ya Bastard!

The Sword with No Name - It's a historical epic about Korea's legendary Queen Min. It's a romance between a Queen and a rogue. It's a tale of betrayal and courtly intrigue. And it continues Korea's love affair with pretty people.

The Sword of Swords - Cheng Kang's 14 Amazons was really awesome, so we can expect good things from this magic sword story. Jimmy Wang Yu, star of this month's poster, was the One-Armed Swordsman, and though he's got both arms in this one, he still gets blinded! Can you say TYPECAST?

War of the Arrows - And back to Korea for a 2011 hit about an archer who risks his life to save his sister from slavery under an evil prince's rule. It won a pile of awards in Asia, so I'm sure its success will translate to my little group of aficionados.

Hope the gang isn't all caught up in exams, because it looks like a pretty good month!

Doctor Who #128: Daleks' Invasion Earth: 2150 A.D.

"There's always an answer to be found, if you dig deep enough."TECHNICAL SPECS: Released in theaters Aug.5 1966. Available on DVD.

IN THIS ONE... The Dalek Invasion of Earth retold... in GLORIOUS COLOR(TM)!

REVIEW: While Doctor Who and the Daleks stuck pretty close to Terry Nation's original Season 1 script, Daleks Invasion takes far more liberties, and is much better for it. Six episodes produced on a TV budget thus becomes a very pacey color movie clocking in at less than an hour and a half. So obviously, everything is more spectacular. When I remember the Dalek coming out of the Thames, it's probably this one. The beams falling across the TARDIS is practically a set piece. The Dalek saucer contains huge sets. There's a stunt with a guy falling on bricks before getting sprayed by several Daleks. Wyler drives through Daleks (instead of Barbara) and has to break his windshield with a spare brick to see where he's going. The trek to Bedfordshire is paved with Robomen on bridges. And I don't even know how they manage to pull of the finale with the Daleks being sucked into the Earth. Design-wise, the Robomen don't look like zombies with clunky head gear - they've got proper uniforms. The capsule dropped into the mines is a big, bright Christmas ornament that slides down at breakneck speeds. And the production is further amplified by multi-level sets and outdoor explosions with characters in the shot. I do miss the race through London though, because as good as the movie looks, it doesn't have the same sense of place the episodes do.

Though more of a comedy than the original episodes, the slapstick is a lot less Jerry Lewis than in the first movie thanks to the elimination of the over-the-top Ian character. He's replaced by the great Bernard Cribbins who would go on to fight the Daleks again as Donna's grandfather. As Tom Campbell, a beat cop who walks into a certain police box by mistake after being knocked upside the head by jewelry thieves, he brings just the right mix of action heroics and gentle comedy. The stand-out scene for him is the one picture above, where he tries to hide among the Robomen with a vain attempt at following their programmed movements. In the end, he'll be the one who destroys the Daleks by fixing the mineshaft under Doctor Who's directions, a great bit of team work between the two heroes of film, hiding their communication in plain sight. Cribbins is such a joy that you easily forgive the nonsense epilogue in which he's brought back minutes before he left (and there isn't two of him) so he can stop the theft. Turns out he was only three punches away from a promotion. A hoot.

While Tom gets lots to do, and Doctor Who shines as well as the smartest man in the room (don't ask about the red wool gloves though), other characters are by necessity sacrificed. Roberta Tovey is back as Suzie Who, but of course she's too young to get a romance subplot with David. There's little of the resourceful genius of the first film here, and Suzie is relegated to weak-ankled hanger-on most of the time, precocious but not driving the plot . Gone is Barbara, replaced by Doctor Who's niece Louise (without explanation). Louise is strictly a cipher, but I like her better than I do Barbara Who. Jill Curzon is a beauty and the Sherlock Holmes fashion she espouses make her fit in with this TARDIS crew. She doesn't get a lot to do, and certainly doesn't pick up TV Barbara's heroic bits, but she's still brave, runs into a Dalek saucer and proposes jumping out the garbage chute, so she's not useless and is never a screamer. The guest characters both win and lose when compared to the originals. They have much less depth, being either good or evil and only that, without too much nuance, but the resistance fighters at least get to be more "movie heroic", capable of thinking of strategies without a companion's help, and in Dortmun's case, getting to make his sacrifice count as he blows up a building that falls on advancing Daleks. David is more streetwise. Jenny doesn't exist. Most of the others are forgettable (the fight between brothers here has no familial context, for example, and survives only as a plot point). The real exception is the black marketeer Ashton who is wayyyy better in the movie than he was on TV, even if he doesn't get a name here. He's dapper and suave, and totally ruthless. A smiling menace. And he's more instrumental to the plot, and gets a much better and more deserved end as the Daleks blow up his shed. Compare to his death by Slyther on TV...

All the structural changes - mostly who lives through which incident from the original plot - keep the story fresh even to the show's fans, as does the new ending. In the original, the Daleks' bomb is used against them and blows them all up. Here, there's a crazier, but more original outcome, that makes their bomb unleash magnetic forces that suck the Daleks and their ships down into the ground. It's completely insane, but a lot more visual. Well hey, the Daleks' plan to remove the Earth's core and install an engine or somesuch was crazy too. Doctor Who's just fighting crazy with crazy. Peter Cushing's benign performance sells it well enough. You know, it's too bad they never remade The Chase as a third film. I mean, the serial was terrible, but that only means it could have been elevated by the process. And I find myself quite intrigued by this small family of temporal adventurers, facing down the Daleks like real pros, cool and collected. Especially if they could have picked Tom up again.

VERSIONS: It's no mystery the movie is based on the serial we now call The Dalek Invasion of Earth (Doctor Who reviews #46 to 51 on this blog).

REWATCHABILITY: Medium-High - Not quite so silly as the first film, the Dalek Invasion of Earth remake is an improvement in large part thanks to Bernard Cribbins' involvement. And of course, he'll be the reason today's fans will want to see this. Good fun!

Movie Marquee Friday: Addendum Surprise

Rise up, people of History...
Count them all before you die...

The massacre of men, the counsel of women...

Cheesy scrapbooking tells the tale, the rest must be epilogue...

Fade in on deco reality...

Drawn for action around the world...

Ghostly tunnel wisps dead set against Bruce Campbell...

Bird full of Fu, crash zooming soon to Earth...

Kung Fu Friday Moments: The Invention of Tai Chi

Used to seeing senior citizens practice Tai Chi at the park? Looks pretty lame? Not when Jet Li INVENTED it in Tai Chi Master!

Exploding barrels of fun for the whole family!

Kung Fu Fridays in March 2012

Tonight, a Shaw Brothers flick called The Avenging Eagle, but March is coming up fast and there are five Fridays in there! What's on tap for my local Kung Fu Film Club...

Kung Fu Dunk - KFF member Furn Sai Yuk is bringing this one in because he knows it's crap, and he'll have to bring his Blu-Ray player too, because it's HIGH DEF crap. I'll soon regret the day I said they should do a whole series of Shaolin Soccers with every sport ever like, you know, that rockin' franchise, Air Bud.

Bodyguards and Assassins - Donnie Yen, Nicholas Tse, Tony Leung Ka-fai, Leon Lai, Wang Xueqi, Simon Yam, Hu Jun, Eric Tsang and Fan Bingbing? Yes, please! This 2009 epic takes place in 1905 as the Quing dynasty crumbles. Let the Revolution begin!

The Duel - Another Chang Cheh film from Shaw Brothers Studios, and it promises to be one of his most blood-soaked. Ti Lung stars as a dude who wants to kill some evil bureaucrats. I'm all for that.

Kung Fu Panda - The fictional action star featured on this month's poster, the panda is a Chinese national icon, kung fu is the national pride, and Jack Black is... an awesome lunatic. BY POPULAR DEMAND!

Hot Potato - Speaking of popular demand... On the same disc as Black Belt Jones is Hot Potato, which also stars the Blaxploitation star/character, and when my KFF crowd saw the poster for it, they did request I show it sooner than later. I mean, it looks like Indiana Jones is sharing the screen with Jim Kelly, and well, it's called "Hot Potato"! A perfect early evening of comic heckling before we all head out to a friend's house-warming party.

A pretty varied menu. My inner circle's got their seats reserved. The rest can read all about it on Each Week in Geek!

Kung Fu Friday Moments: Royal Belting

One of the shocking things about Curse of the Golden Flower, aside from the palace's color scheme, is how Chow Yun Fat (as a nasty Ting Dynasty Emperor) beats his son Prince Yu (played by New Kato himself, Jay Chou) to death... with his belt!

Yikes! Chow had just spent the entire movie slowly poisoning his own wife, so... Not a family man then.

Doctor Who #82: Doctor Who and the Daleks

"If they think us monsters, what must they look like?"TECHNICAL SPECS: Released in theaters Aug.23 1965. Available on DVD.

IN THIS ONE... Doctor Who is an absent-minded professor, Susan is about 10 years old, and the Daleks are in GLORIOUS COLOR(TM!)

REVIEW: The main attraction at the time was that you got to see the Daleks IN COLOR! And if COLOR! is what you want, then COLOR! is what you get, and on that front, it doesn't disappoint. Skaro's jungle is all greens and blues, the Dalek City peaches and bronzes, the Daleks themselves fire engine reds, electric blues and shiny golds, and the Thals wear eye make-up and hot pink camp cloaks. These are 60s chic Daleks who watch big screen TVs and have lava lamps and modern art lying around the place. And there's more of everything: Bigger sets, a whole village of Thals, armies of Daleks, more explosions, a sweeping score, and camera angles and close-ups that generally make this REmake of Terry Nation's The Daleks more dynamic. It could also have something to do with Richard Martin not being the director (no, that's unfair, he would have been great with film). It's basically the same script except for the introduction of the characters - it even includes the outrageous number of goodbyes at the end, though played for gentle comedy here so it actually works - and still manages to come in at 1 hour 22 minutes! The cuts are in the characters of course - there's less sitting around, working out things or giving each character a little scene in each of 7 episodes - but also in the editing, director Gordon Flemyng doesn't go for Martin's more (cough) procedural style. And no, though the padding issues are resolved and not at MUCH cost to the characters, the movie script does not fix the tv script's problems. For example, the surprise attack from the back has no purpose whatsoever.

Peter Cushing plays his human "Doctor Who" as a bow-legged, absent-minded professor type, much more genial than Hartnell's irascible Time Lord. As a stand-alone film meant for the American market which hadn't seen the British TV series, that was a necessary change. Cushing's Doctor doesn't have the time television gives a character to grow and endear itself to the audience. Cushing is immediately charming, reading comics while his granddaughters read heavy science books. His forgetting Ian's name and fluid link deception are likewise played sympathetically, even adorably, not in Hartnell's more sinister style which was meant to keep a mystery about the character. Roberta Tovey as the precocious genius Suzie Who carries a lot of the movie, much younger but also braver than TV's Susan. Her presence, as much as the look of the film, gives it a Sunday afternoon, Wonderful World of Disney kind of feel that's quite comforting. And Tovey is head and shoulders above many a precocious movie/TV kid. Roy Castle's Ian is the comic relief, supplying one bit of slapstick after another, until that horrendous final scene where he goes completely Jerry Lewis on us. (When I hear people put this movie down, I tend to think it's because it leaves us on this scene.) Re-imagined as Barbara's clumsy boyfriend, he still manages a quiet air of heroism, though he lets the Doctor (or even Suzie) take the lead most of the time. My laugh-out-loud moment when watching this time: When he gets roundly slapped by a Thal thanks to the Doctor's "so there is something you will fight for" trick. And then there's Barbara, here an older granddaughter of the Doctor's, the one character that gets really short-changed. Somewhere between patient girlfriend and occasional screamer, Jennie Linden is given nothing of what Jacqueline Hill got to do (either with the crew or the Thals). The TARDIS set is terrible, though necessarily less alien. It's the exception to the rule, as the rest of the film is rather gorgeous-looking. The trademark demateralization sound is absent (as is any hint of Grainger's Doctor Who Theme).

I don't want to spend the whole review making comparisons however. I want to review it in its own right. And as a film version of The Daleks, it hums along nicely, with effective effects, larger-than-life sets and matte paintings, and bloodless enough (one Thal dies and that's it, Dalek deaths don't count) to be appropriate for all ages. Gordon Flemyng uses the film medium to make everything bigger and more dynamic, so we get a final battle that's actually exciting, with the Daleks firing off their explosive gas guns (these work practically and are pretty dynamic compared to people falling down more or less in synch with a white-out on the show), overhead camera angles and lots of Daleks blowing their lids. I does make the Daleks rather stupid as most of them die through friendly fire, and Ian's final heroic act is to make them fire at the neutronic bomb console to stop the countdown by standing in front of it and throwing himself to the ground at the last minute. To be nice, I'll say the Daleks were by then blinded by bloodlust. There's also that cool opening cliff face at the front of the city, which I wish they would have done more with. As for the Thals, they're probably one of the weaker elements in the film. Where character bits have been slashed, Thals were usually standing close. They kept the cowardly brother subplot, but there's otherwise very little to differentiate Alydon from Ganatus (I even got confused), and very little to their culture. The make-up is also a bit on the drag queen side and hard to take seriously.

THEORIES: Some fans have tried to make the Cushing films canon, with variable success. The idea that Cushing is a future regeneration doesn't hold up much water. I could just about believe he settled down in the 60s and had quarter-human granddaughters named after former companions, but he can't very well have an adventure he's ALREADY had back in his first incarnation! Much better is the notion that the film's script was written by Barbara Wright upon returning to her home time, a story based on her own experience, with some details changed for story clarity or to protect the identities of those involved.

VERSIONS: Obviously, the movie is based on the serial we now call The Daleks (Doctor Who reviews #5 to 11 on this blog).

REWATCHABILITY: Medium - It's frankly a more watchable version of The Daleks, and a good bit of fun, but can't rise above Medium because it's out of continuity, a remake of something we've already seen, and has less character content than it ought to. Its strengths are Cushing and Tovey, and the production values. Its weaknesses include the slapstick (depending on your patience for such things) and its thin characterization of the glam Thals.

Reign of the Supermen #412: John Wayne

Source: Internet article "What if those modern blockbusters were made in the 1950s? Artist imagines their posters and who would star in them"
Type: Fan-made spoof/movie/ElseworldWhat if John Wayne had played Superman in the movies? Well, I'm not entirely sure about THAT piece of casting, bu Suzanne Pleshette as Lois Lane? Robert Mitchum as Perry White? And most insane of all, Clint Eastwood as General Zod? I could get behind ALL of that.

Follow the link above for more vintage posters and casting, from William Shatner in Avatar to Steve McQueen as the Terminator. And Fritz Lang's Inception too!

Somewhere, there's an interdimensional NetFlix we can watch these on...

HEYYEYAAEYAAAEYAEYAA What's Going On?

The final part of my "live blogging" exercise about The Masters of the Universe live action film, 15 minutes to go!

You know when I compared the movie to Jack Kirby's New Gods? Well, a giant helmet makes Skeletor develop Omega Beams. COINCIDENCE?!Not that Darkseid wore a giant helmet, though I bet he had a huge collection for special events. Only two sidekicks, a dwarf and two teens can help He-Man now! Kevin! Play some of that glam-rockin' music!
Lubic jumps in to arrest the lot just as Kevin's concerto ends, and he gets sucked into a Boom Tube with the rest of 'em.
They interrupt Skeletor's philosophical ruminations about alignment: "Is the loneliness of good equal to the loneliness of evil?" (Answer, Lawful is never as lonely as Chaotic, dude.) The heroes are back at the Grayskull location, and they've brought that silly Earth set with them.
And man, foul-mouthed Lubic can's stop pushing the movie to PG. He-Man's friends get shot at so the slave deal is OFF. He-Man angles his manacles so that Skeletor's magic missile frees him!
And that chain makes a handy weapon too! Back at the half-car, Lubic's finally getting it that this is real, but as he can't help but talk about himself in the third person, I'll have to evaluate his state of mind as "unhinged". Still, can't fault his shotgun skills. Skeletor's forces are having a hard time with He-Man too, and their boss-man isn't giving them any help when he specifies he needs him alive. Pinned down, He-Man starts pushing statues down. Roll Intimidation at +2.
The distraction is enough to get He-Man to where his sword's been put in a stone. Through the pain of Skeletor's voltage strikes, he pulls it out and at least PART of the cartoon introduction is reproduced for the big screen. "I HAVE THE POWER!!!"
(Still no "By the power of Grayskull" though. Or a choir chanting "He-Man! He-Man! He-Man!" And those are the best parts, sigh.) Alright, throw the discotheque lights and let's throw down for OUR FINAL BATTLE!!!
The fight drains Skeletor of power and helmets, but he doesn't give up easily. Just when you think it's over, he pulls a sword from his evil shorts and glances He-Man's right into a position that gives me a bad flashback to The Phantom Menace (and thus, a headache).
Predictably, He-Man saves his sharp-edged friend, and Skeletor goes the way of every movie villain from 1985 to 1995 - he goes off the edge.
NOW you regret building Grayskull on top of a giant shaft to Hell, don't you?

The Sorceress is healed. The sidekicks start shouting victory. He-Man turns to see what all the noise is ("Oh, that's right, you guys exist. Yeah, victory.") Lubic retires to Eternia where he's already found a sailor's costume and a girlfriend...
Courteney Cox does what she does best, and that's choke back the tears and make you all weepy (SHUT UP) even though she knew these people for all of five minutes before she was knocked out by Skeletor's poison. Gwildor pulls a Doctor Who on her and Kevin by saying "Did I mention it travels in time?" but they don't take the Rose-bait and choose to go home to the present, 1987. Boy, remember when that WAS the present? I still have nightmares about the white pants I used to wear after Labor Day. Good journey, kids!

Oh crap! Julie was too late to realize she could go back in time to save her parents! But then the Boom Tube acts like it never has before and she wakes up in bed BEFORE her parents' plane accident. Was it all a dream? And more importantly, will Julie and Kevin overcome their apparent lack of chemistry and stay together now that she doesn't have to leave this parentless crap-town?
By George, they might just make it. One last, gratuitous, blue-screened I HAVE THE POWER and we're into the end credits. It's finally ov---
Oh Lord, he'll be back!

And that's awesome because Langella's Skeletor was da bomb. You think his contract to come back for a sequel is still valid? That was certainly a wild and better than expected ride! Cons: He-Dolph, teen angst and the color schemes. Pros: Effects, Kirbyisms and badass Skeletor. But it's over, no regrets, let's celebrate!

See you Sunday for my capsule review of the DVD extras (because, oh yes!).

...the Day I Held Aloft my Magic Sword

Part 6 of my "live blogging" exercise about The Masters of the Universe live action film, 15 minutes at a time. Only a half hour to go!

Skeletor just delivered his ultimatum. "He-Man, throw down your sword." "But what am I use to compensate for my 'roid-shrunken Pee-Man?"Skeletor is the freakin' man. I love how he rolls his eyes at He-Man's nobility when he saves his friends by surrendering. He can't believe his cheesiness. Blade is STOKED by his boss's BAWSSNESS:
Skeletor honors his deal - to make sure he always has a hold on He-Man - and leaves the other goodies to rot on tacky ol' Earth. And Gwildor's lost Eternia's coordinates. And Eternia is the only place Julie can get treatment for a Skelezap!
I'm not a doctor, but that MIGHT be infected. Tom Paris swoons. So... Exit army, back to Eternia. Enter Lubic and his back-up, the whole police force, looking for an army to fight. Timing. It's all about timing.
Gwildor explains that 1) it's pronounced Skeleter and 2) the Cosmic Key's memory's been wiped of the melody it plays to open a Boom Tube to Eternia. But wait! Kevin plays in an 80s high school glam rock band! He might be able to play the tune back! It takes a pep talk and Teela and Man-at-Arms cannibalizing their uniforms for random [TECHNO-BABBLE] elements, but Kevin might just be able to save the universe! (Well, Julie and He-Man, at any rate.)

Meanwhile, on Eternia... Skeletor sees He-Man bare-chested and oiled-up and declares: "I win."
The Sorceress quietly judges him.
She's wasting away, and Skeletor is about to have ALL the Power of Grayskull. He slips He-Man's sword into a high-tech device, like Excalibur into a hot butter stone, chains He-Man to the floor and forces him to kneel before him in front of all Eternia. He doesn't want to? Taste of the Ferengi lash, Blades.
Oooh, that's gonna sting. And if Gwildor, Kevin and the rest can't fix their Boom Tube quickly enough, Skeletor will declare himself Master... of... the Universe!
Now THOSE are the colord I remember from my action figures! Skeletor is really enjoying himself now... and in all sorts of ways. Has he really become... a god? A Kirby god?
The hat seems to say yes.

Ok Kevin, it's about time your band played its set, because the universe is in trouble. Skeletor has climaxed, now the story needs to. In 24 short hours!*

*Hours to be the same length they usually are.

Fabulous Secret Powers Were Revealed to Me...

Part 5 of my "live blogging" exercise about The Masters of the Universe live action film from where we left off Friday after the first hour.

So let's see... oh yeah, attack on the music store, guitars flying, Man-at-Arms throwing grenades, Detective Lubic asking all the wrong questions, and Teela giving Kevin a gun before throwing herself into the fray. She rocks. She's "Woman-at-Arms".Aww, 80s girl power! In the back room, Lubic is all "gimme the gun kid", asking like he wants a fix of heroin, but neither Kevin nor Julie are giving anything up. Then Julie sees something in the alley behind the shop. It's her dead mom going "Shhhhh!"
While her boyfriend struggles with Lubic for the gun, she goes out to talk to her mom. Do you smell a sorceress trap? Because this is classic evil sorceress stuff. Hugs? "We've been doing secret work and had to disappear"? A sensible sweater? None of that rings true Julie! Especially not the part about their secret work needing the Cosmic Key! Come on! Don't give it to her!
Awww damn, girl! Now look what you've done. No, really LOOK.
Yeah, feels pretty bad, doesn't it?

The heroes run off after Evil-Lyn's forces as Charlie is forces to look at his destroyed store, handing over his shotgun to Detective "Gimme the gun, gimme the gun, GIMME THE GUN" Lubic.
Within seconds, Lubic almost gets his fool head shot off and THAT'S why he never got an action figure of his own. Truth!
I guess having a car explode that close to you warrants the first use of a curse word in the movie. "Listen Mom! He-Man learned a new word today!"

Evil-Lyn sends a signal to Skeletor and they create the mother of all Boom Tubes to let all the Para-Demons on Earth.
Some of them even have aero-discs!
And of course, there's Skeletor on his open shell death barge!
The Air Centurians [sic] go after He-Man, who blows one of them up outright! It's a risk when your armor is full of back-up fuel for your energy-inefficient flying platform. He commandeers the other one for his own use and makes a run at Evil-Lyn.
Even grapples her Cosmic Key away, yee-haw! While another Centurian tries to draw him to Skeletor, the lich-king has found his own entertainment, rising from behind the other heroes (and, uhm, Kevin and Julie)...
He has no trouble taking Man-at-Arms and Teela's fire with his groovy forcefield, and as the Darth Vader army closes in, the good guys disarm. Knowing Man-at-Arms, it probably takes a while. Actually, it takes so long, he doesn't have time to drop the sword on his back before they're rushed.

As He-Man arrives, Julie gets in the crossfire to let him know it's a trap, and gets a good, pink, lightning zap for her trouble, while He-Man still takes a dive! He goes a little crazy and starts cutting soldiers up.
Though he can clearly beat the whole lot of them single-handedly, Skeletor still gives him an ultimatum: To return to Eternia as his slave, or else die with his friends here, on this primitive and tasteless planet. TASTELESS? Dude, a mirror, please. (Then again, it WAS the 80s.)

I don't know how expects to back up that threat, but I guess we'll find out... tomorrow! Same He-Time, same He-Channel!