Monday, March 31, 2008

Aquaman Laughs at Legacy Heroes

AQUAMAN #10, DC Comics, July 1995
Aquaman keeps rocking your world all week, and here's another example of his rockitude. Aquaman #10 has him up against one of the most powerful humans on Earth: Green Lantern. Ok, it's that putz, the replacement GL, Kyle Rayner. Like almost every guy that's ever replaced a comics legend, he sucks. Spider-Clone? Sucked. Azbats? Sucked. Superboy and Man of Steel. Didn't suck, but were hardly Superman, were they? USAgent version of Captain America? Sucked. Green Lantern was no exception*. Still, he's got that ring MINUS the yellow impurity, so there's nothing that can really stop this guy.

Except Aquaman, you mean. The story's a simple one: The world's oldest shark has come to pay his respects to Aquaman before its death. Unfortunately, the "Old One" has taken a bite out of some nitwit that tried to skewer him with a harpoon (non-fatal), so Lil'Green Lantern gets the bright idea to kill the "man-eater". Bad move, GL. You're out of your depth, hehehe.

Here's how Aquaman gets involved, in a very cool opening scene that's all about "talking to the fishes". Yes, I'm gonna keep ramming these down your throat until you admit that this power is cool. Now, go out and rent the Blue Planet documentary series. Fish are cool. And dangerous. Where was I? Oh, yeah, that opening scene:
Meanwhile, there's a subplot going on back in Atlantis in which Aquaman's illegitimate son survives an assassination attempt by Atlantis' regent. Illegitimate you say? Yes, that's right. Aquaman is the Captain Kirk of the Seven Seas. Superman doesn't have a son**. Batman doesn't have a son***. Flash doesn't have a son****. You know why? Those guys don't have as much sex as Aquaman does. Aquaman is one sexy sea stud.

But the biggest point to make about how much Aquaman rocks is of course how he does in battle. Just how do you beat a guy who wears the "most powerful weapon in the universe", a ring that can do anything he can think of? Here's how:
Result:
(Note the new hook design that replaced the harpoon. Not as macho, but much more versatile.) I think it's clear who rocks the boat here once again.
*With the exception of John Stewart.
**Except in the last movie. Which sucked.
***Except in Grant Morrison's Son of Batman, but Grant Morrison knows how to make a character rock.
****Ok, ok, they all do. But this is recycled material from back when they DIDN'T. At least I didn't mention Green Arrow.

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