Spaceknight Saturdays: A Spaceknight Dies!

I am sick as a dog. Caught some kind of oxymoronic summer cold and it is laying waste to my insides. Aches and pains, violent sneezing, feverish nightmares, you name it. But nothing's going to keep me from Spaceknight Saturdays. In fact, am I feeling just a little bit better as a result of opening my slightly water-damaged copy of issue #11? Is it that my suffering pales compared to the existentialist angst of the Spaceknights? Lets not waste this sudden boost of energy...

When we last saw Rom, he had flown to Washington D.C. in search of his Neutralizer, only to be captured by the Wraiths of Project Safeguard, where it takes a giant gun just to keep him down.
That's Sister Sweet giving orders at the bottom, a Dire Wraith who aims to unlock the secrets of Rom's armor so that Wraithkind can one day wear the blasted things and own the power of Galador. But when the Most High One shows up, it looks like there's dissension in the ranks.
Talk back to me, will you?
In an exchange that shows the Most High One really ISN'T a man of few words, we learn that that the Wraiths are really split into factions over using sorcery and this newfangled fad all the kids are into these days, science. I'm also intrigued about the Most High One's identity, because they still refuse to show his face. Is he an actual Marvel character or just bone ugly? Or both?

Disagreements or not, the MHO must be obeyed, which Dr. Daedalus is more than happy to do, starting with Archie "Firefall" Stryker, sill a captive of the Wraiths.
But watch who you're trying to cyber-bacilli!
Man, you really should have started with Rom, cuz this gruesome distraction has given him time to... BREAK FREE!
As Sweet calls in the marines, Rom tries to get at his Neutralizer and send her ass to Limbo, but it's still inside an impenetrable forcefield. In fact, the only way to break through is to empty an entire Spaceknight armor's energy into it, a fatal maneuver. Cue ultimate sacrifice:
Firefall can't catch a break. And after Rom told him he'd bring to Galador for The Operation too (uhm... to restore his humanity, I mean). Sad. Sad and MELODRAMATIC!!!!
Sister Sweet is going to pay... but wait! The marines come in, so Rom can't banish Sweet in front of them without being labelled a murderer by humanity!
She dares him to do it.
Well, you gotta be careful what you ask for, Sweetie.

Oh Rom, how are you going to make friends now? Next issue: A real Marvel superhero shows up! The letters page has been announcing it since #10. Who could it be? The answer will shock and diappoint you! But not until next week...

Star Trek 575: Someone to Watch Over Me

575. Someone to Watch Over Me

FORMULA: His Way + Chrysalis + Looking for par'Mach + Liaisons

WHY WE LIKE IT: Seven and the Doctor...

WHY WE DON'T: ...are not Kira and Odo.

REVIEW: This "pure comedy" episode has some charm, but suffers from being much too derivative. It's very much like they looked at all the romantic DS9 episodes and copied the best bits in order to turn the Doctor/Seven pairing into Odo/Kira (right down to the holographic piano playing). Except the latter was built up over years of episodes. In this case, the Doctor falls into these feelings a bit suddenly, after a few bars of "You Are My Sunshine" (so a lot like Bashir/Sarina, then). Up to that point, he was more than willing to help her catch a mate aboard ship, without a hint of the Cyrano pathos getting in the way.

That said, I'd probably be more critical of it if it wasn't these two characters, without a doubt the most watchable of the crew. The final scenes are especially well done, bittersweet moments of romance, friendship and loneliness. We can empathize with the Doctor, and when they do go out of a "friendly date" together, there is a connection there, no doubt about it, but it was never meant to be, and not just because she storms out humiliated by Tom's bet either. Truly a case of her not being able to see the Doctor as a mate for a variety of reasons (hey, he's her father figure, even if you can get beyond the non-biological aspect). He does manage to soften her somewhat though.

Seven's other date with Sheppard is played with a light touch. He was chosen for his efficiency (how very Seven), but is reputed to be a nice guy. And he really is. His reactions don't go overboard in trying to be funny, which is good and character-driven, but at the same time, there's little sparkle. The entire exploration is a blind alley for Seven at this juncture, but it's at least interesting to note that they followed up on The Disease when Harry told her she might want to take an interest.

The subplot with a hedonistic ambassador from a repressed culture giving Neelix a hard time has also been done before (in such fare as Liaisons), and the fact I'd forgotten Kids in the Hall alumnus Scott Thompson was ever on the show speaks volumes about how memorable it is. Thompson has some fun with it (especially in the "Seven of mine" scene), but there's little that feels new here.

LESSON: There is no bigger turn-on than a girl vocalizing.

REWATCHABILITY - Medium: Seven is lovely, the Doctor is engaging, but there'd little originality in the script.

1001 Things I Will Not Do When I GM (Excerpts)

All based on true events.

1. I will not kill the same player's PC every game, even if that player is my kid brother.

25. I am not allowed to use multiple 4 or 5-skull traps from Grimtooth's sourcebooks.

176. I will not use the same trap on every door until someone figures out how to bypass it, and then promptly change it to my next favorite on every subsequent door, ad infinitum.

257. I will not kill a PC's entire supporting cast in the first game.

299. If I read room descriptions from an adventure module, I will make sure I can pronounce words in the language that module uses.

401. I cannot use segues like "You get to the castle. During the night, Eric's character tried to rape the princess so now the entire army is after you."

521. If I am willing to provoke a Total Party Kill, I will be ready to go all the way and not suddenly call it all an illusion. If not, then I will not provoke said TPK.

791. The Monster Manual is not looking for me to submit a creature called "DM's Discretion".

802. Narrativism does not mean that I will narrate a story and the players will sit quietly and listen to it.

884. The cops/army/palace guards aren't automatically hostile to every PC they meet.

935. I will not wait for a player to ask if a monster is in the room before telling him that there is.

1001. I will not feel like a badass just because I own Throne of Bloodstone, nor will I gloat about such ownership or its implied badassery.

Star Trek 574: Juggernaut

574. Juggernaut

FORMULA: Night + Extreme Risk + Empok Nor + The Enemy

WHY WE LIKE IT: Giving the Malon a face.

WHY WE DON'T: A bit late.

REVIEW: This isn't a bad episode, but it should have aired way earlier. For one thing, it follows up on B'Elanna's death wish from Extreme Risk, which was 17 episodes ago. On the one hand, I'm glad to see any kind of coherent psychology to these characters, but on the other, it makes it seem like there's a missing piece of the puzzle in between the two episodes. A better paced season might have shown Tuvok take her on as a pupil earlier, making her attempts at meditation here more organic, and her attempt to resolve things with talk rather than action (doomed to failure though it may have been), a rather good culmination of that arc. All in one episode, it still works, mind you, the Vihaar holding up a mirror to her own rage.

It's also too late to give the Malon a proper face. Voyager's multiple DECADES-saving jumps through space should have left them behind a long time ago (unless they have access to a lot more wormholes than seems possible). For the first time, they are presented as people, people who have families, a culture, a sense of duty and self-sacrifice, and a faith. And then they were never heard from again.

The plot itself is merely the motive force behind these two ideas and it does the job. Going through a derelict ship deck by deck while SOMEthing is in pursuit is nothing new, and the "toxic" urban legend made real is a two-dimensional monster, rather ordinary. Just a radioactive zombie, really. The climax is meant to be really suspenseful, but suffers from geography issues. Always nice to see Neelix get a shot at some action though, and for the first time, we see what a sonic shower is like (it left me underwhelmed).

LESSON: Polluters need love too.

REWATCHABILITY - Medium: Earlier in the season, it might have resonated more and helped build future stories. Out of context, it's a good episode for both B'Elanna and the Malon, though the story just goes through the paces.

Geek Losses 2008 - The First Half

Not to be morbid, but this year, I'd started to collect the names of people who had made a contribution to Geekery and had passed away in 2008. At the end of the year, I was expecting to write a massive homage, y'know? But halfway into 2008 and the list is already absurdly (and sadly) long. So I thought I might give it a go twice rather than once.

Note that these are the people whose achievements intersected my life in some way, and no slight should be perceived if a name isn't there. Please feel free to add to the list in the comments section. And it's all geek stuff, so sorry college basketball coaches, Free Trade negotiators and Egg McMuffin inventors, I'm sure your contribution to society was important, it's just didn't blip on my radar.

Comics
I've actually done proper obituary pieces for Jim Mooney and Steve Gerber, but they weren't alone. We also lost two very sexy artists in Dave Stevens and Will Elder, and by that I don't mean that they were sexy (it's not my place to say), but that their art was. Stevens' beautiful art had a poster-like quality that made his work on both the Rocketeer and Bettie Paige really shine. And what can I say about Elder except that his Annie Fanny strips were my first glimpse of erotica. And like all teenagers from my generation, I used to buy Mad Magazine when it was cheap. Add to this list Tintin publisher Raymond Leblanc, V for Vendetta colorist Steve Whitaker, and just recently, Image-style artist Michael Turner (he was my age, for God's sake), as well as many writers and artists from abroad that I never got to sample (Fred Baker, Vladimiro Missaglia, and others).

Star Trek
Considering my daily content, I should make a section just for people who contributed to Trek, chief among them producer Robert Justman. He helped birth the show both in its original incarnation and The Next Generation, plus helped Geekery along elsewhere, with work on The Adventures of Superman, The Outer Limits and Mission Impossible. Trek actors who passed away this year include Stanley Kamel (Maddrox) though he is best known now for his role in Monk, and Robert DoQui (Noggra) perhaps better known as Sgt. Reed in the Robocop movies. And then there's Joseph Pedney who directed a number of Original Series episodes, including most of the classics (The City on the Edge of Forever, The Trouble with Tribbles, Amok Time, etc.). I must also mention Herb Kenwith who directed The Lights of Zetar, but we won't hold it against him, ok?

Doctor Who
Can't do one without the other, and we did lose some substantial contributors to Classic Who: Johnny Byrne, writer of such stories as The Keeper of Traken (without him, we have no Nyssa), Arc of Infinity and Warriors from the Deep, was also responsible for a number of Space 1999 stories. Actor Kevin Stoney brought immense presence to a couple of early Who villains, such as Mavic Chen and Tobias Vaughn, and later, Tyrum. man could do over-the-top like nobody's business. Wonderful. Hammer Horror regular Bernard Archard also passed; he was Marcus Scarman in Pyramids of Mars, and Bragen in Power of the Daleks. This list must also include Bond Girl (Goldfinger) Jane Lumb who appeared as a Thal extra in Doctor Who and the Daleks.

Movies and TV
Outside of my two obsessions, the number of talented individuals who've left us swells, including a couple of Geekery icons. The first of these is Charlton Heston who for a while there, was THE 1970s sci-fi hero. Planet of the Apes, Soylent Green, The Omega Man... Was he just too old to do Logan's Run or what? My favorite performance of his is still as the Player King in Branagh's Hamlet. Seems odd, I know, but he really sells that Priam speech.

The other icon is Roy Scheider. Jaws obviously takes care of posterity, but I'll always remember him from Blue Thunder, Naked Lunch, 2010, Punisher (yes, Punisher), and of course, SeaQuest DSV. In all of his work, there was a sense of authority. Here was a man you could trust. His heroes earnest, his villains manipulative. And yet, there was always a humanity there. The common man as hero.

In this section, I'd like to pay my respects to George Carlin, first and foremost a brilliant stand-up comedian, and one of the few of whom I have a book. His recent collaborations with Kevin Smith (especially in Dogma) were goofy and sardonic at the same time. A nice part of his legacy. As a fervent Carol Burnett Show viewer, I can definitely say I'll carry fond memories of Harvey Korman as well. Don S. Davis just left us, he was General Hammond on Stargate SG-1, Major Briggs on Twin Peaks and Scully's father on X-Files, but best known by Canadians for pulling a gun on Sam Steele in that Heritage Minute. The second of two lost Bond Girls, Julie Ege starred as one of Blofeld's Angels of Death In Her Majesty's Secret Service. Paul Scofield who, for my money, gave us the best Hamlet's Ghost in movie history (in Mel Gibson's version, of all places). Hong Kong actress Lydia Chum I enjoyed in Happy Together, but she appeared in 85 more films I've never seen. Lionel Mark Smith was a regular cast member of David Mamet films. Barry Morse played the memorable Victor Bergman in Space 1999. Heath Ledger was taken away too soon, and I can't wait to see his interpretation of the Joker this summer. Also taken too soon, Brad Renfro whose major geek credit is playing Josh in Ghost World. Maila Nurmi AKA Vampira was immortalized by Ed Wood, which has a strong geek cachet. And a fond farewell to Suzanne Pleshette, a striking actress I used to love in the Bob Newhart Show (and her appearance in the last Newhart episode is sheer brilliance).

Behind the scenes, we must bid farewell to a couple of major lights, including special effects and make-up man Stan Winston. He's responsible for the visual artistry of such films as Aliens, Predator, Galaxy Quest, A.I., Terminator 2, Edward Scissorhands, Batman Returns and more recently, Iron Man. Oh, and he's credited with the Wookie Family's costumes in the Star Wars Christmas Special. Truly, a giant in his field.

We've also lost actor/director Sydney Pollack, whom I recently enjoyed in Michael Clayton (I'll miss his sheer presence in general). As a director, he will always be remembered for Out of Africa and Tootsie, though he gets most of his geekcred from The Yakuza. Other film and television contributors we've lost: Lawrence Hertzog, genre writer responsible for Nowhere Man, who also worked on 24, Profiler and SeaQuest; Kay Linaker, scriptwriter of The Blob (and an actress in the 40s); Anthony Minghella, writer/director of The English Patient, The Talented Mister Ripley and Cold Mountain; David Watkin, cinematographer of such films as Catch-22, Jesus of Nazareth, Out of Africa, and Gibson's Hamlet; and John Alvin, the poster artist of E.T., The Lion King, Young Frankenstein, Blade Runner, Princess Bride, Lord of the Rings, and lots more besides.

Animation
A lot of the pioneers of animation are leaving us, among them Ollie Johnston (Snow White) and Phyllis Barnhart (Jungle Book) at Disney, and soviet animator Iosif Boyarski. Closer to my personal parcel of the zeitgeist is Jacques Morel, the voice of Obélix in the French-language Astérix cartoons. His is a voice I can immediately recall, and it's always sad when a childhood icon passes away, even in sound alone. It's like Obélix actually died.

Not animation, but children's entertainment nonetheless, Sesame Street puppeteer Kermit Love (no, not the one who inspired the frog's name) passed away. Among other things, he designed and built Big Bird.

Science Fiction and Fantasy
It hasn't been a good year for written science fiction and fantasy. Most prominently, we've lost Sir Arthur C. Clarke. Though the world mourned him for his connection to 2001, I best remember him as the author of Childhood's End. An interesting thing about his work is that it was devoid of villains, Man left alone to conquer the final frontier was always excitement enough. Sir Clarke is followed by Algis Budrys, whom I haven't read, though I have a couple of his books - Michaelmas and Who?, and Stephen Marlowe, whom I don't know at all, probably because he's more of a mystery writer.

On the fantasy side of things, Robert Asprin passed away. As a teenager, I was an immense fan of his MythAdventures series, which appealed to the same part of my brain as Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett. Here, I should also mention Gary Gygax, who got a proper obit from me at the time. And I'll throw in a mention of Gwenc'hlan Le Scouëzec, a real life druid (Brittany's Grand Druide), just because it fits.

Music
A lot of musicians died in the first half of 2008, but I'll only mention the ones who touched my particular life, like slide guitarist Jeff Healey and John Rutsey, original drummer of Rush, because well, it's Rush. There are also a couple who I only really know because of commercials, if that says anything about our culture, but I'll regret the loss of Bo Diddley and Buddy Miles, voice of the California Raisins, nonetheless.

Proper Art
Alain Robbe-Grillet, father of the French Nouveau Roman, a sort of deconstructionist, yet playful style, which I loved in university. Don't know how Les Gommes (The Erasers) plays in English, but it's brilliant. And from the pop art scene (because pop art, to me, is imbued with geekery), we lost Robert Rauschenberg (if Warhol and Lichtenstein's art was explosive, his was exploded - the after effects of the pop culture experience), as well as the woman who shot Marilyn for Warhol, Dorothy Podber. Great or small, their contributions have been notable.

Pioneers, Adventurers and Inventors
And then there are the people who, in my opinion, just made our world cooler. Hugh Bradner, inventor of the wetsuit; Richard Knerr, inventor of the frisbee and the hula hoop; and Cachao Lopez who gave us the mambo. Among the explorers, we lost Sir Edmund Hillary, the first man to reach the top of Mount Everest, and astronaut George Low who drafted the mission plan for Apollo 8, my favorite of all the Apollo missions (round the moon on Christmas Eve, what's not to love?).

I wish I could give a proper send off to each of these men and women, but it's already an outrageously long post by my standards. To them all, thanks for adding a little (or a big!) something to this geek's life and other geeks' too (and to mundanes' for that matter). If I missed someone, or if you'd like to eulogize someone further, please make use of the comments section.

Now leaving 2008 Part I...

Star Trek 573: Think Tank

573. Think Tank

FORMULA: Statistical Probabilities + Counterpoint + Dark Frontier

WHY WE LIKE IT: The non-humanoids.

WHY WE DON'T: Jason Alexander wasted.

REVIEW: Jason Alexander was, at the time, one of the most prominent celebrity Star Trek fans who hadn't yet been cast in the show. And while I don't begrudge him the chance to play a role so unlike, say, George Constanza, it's still disappointing that his particular comedic (and neurotic) skills weren't put to good effect. Kurros is more of a zen figure, and while that's not uninteresting, it's not that entertaining. And that's how I feel about the episode as a whole.

I do like the Think Tank's varied aliens, showing that intelligence can indeed come in many packages despite Trek's bias towards humanoids. There's a jellyfish, a space whale, a computer with the soul of an artist... Even the more upright Fennim looks like a walking reliquary. To show their power, yes, you have demonstrations of particular technologies (isomorphic projections, neutronium hulls, and so on), but they off-handedly mention they cured the Phage. Again, I'm ambivalent towards this point. On the one hand, it efficiently shows how smart the Tank is, and perhaps it's nice to know that the Vidiians had a happy ending (depending on what they traded off). On the other, it's a bit of an anti-climax, and though we weren't ever going back to the Vidiians, it still destroys the core idea behind the race. So in our minds at least, it's kind of a shame.

Voyager's been penned into a part of space by bounty hunters called the Hazari, and the Tank is willing to help Voyager in exchange for Seven of Nine joining them. Wait... not help them get to the Alpha Quadrant? The Think Tank isn't as smart as it thinks if that's the offer they make. As it is, Janeway thinks she can get out of the Hazari trap without help (and does), and the Tank's plans are jeopardized anyway by the fact that they hire the bounty hunters in the first place. There was never going to be any deal on those terms, not for that small prize. And once the Hazari are put off Voyager's scent when they find out they've been played by the Tank, why is it necessary for Voyager to defeat the alien geniuses? It's never really made clear that the Tank would try an offensive solution to their "paradox" (a word very badly used as a synonym for "problem" throughout). Nice little con though.

The dilemma, I suppose, is driven by Seven's boredom with her shipboard duties. While there's little chance Janeway would take the Tank's deal, maybe Seven would want to leave Voyager for new challenges. Not really much of a chance of that either, I know, but it's notable that Janeway finally gives Seven a choice, something she's always refused her in the past.

LESSON: There are book smarts, and then there are street smarts.

REWATCHABILITY - Medium: Alien effects, special effects, stunt casting... These are nice, but there's no real tension to this story.

Countdown to Ambush Bug: 3 Weeks To Go

So what the heck IS an ambush bug? Just a combination of two words that sound cool(ridiculous) together? Well, no. It's an actual animal:Although we know it better in this form:
Handsome creature any way you look at it. My Google Fu futher reveals the following top secret information:

Unique Qualities: Ambush bugs are predators that normally lie while waiting for prey. They have front legs fitted for grasping, much like that of a praying mantis. They commonly sit on a flower waiting for insects attracted to flowers. Goldenrod is a favorite flower, where their greenish-yellow color allows them to be well camouflaged.

Can be Seen: Throughout the United States and southern Canada.

Likes to Hang Out: You can find these bugs sitting on top of flowers, such as the goldenrod.

Likes to Eat: They feed primarily on mites, thrips, moths, bugs, wasps and flies.

Status: The ambush bug is not listed by the Committee on the Status of Endangered Wildlife in Canada (COSEWIC). From that, it can be assumed that either its population is healthy or their populations have not been counted yet.

Information your mom doesn't want you to know about ambush bugs: HOT BUGS GET MORE SEX!
Oooh, yeaahhhh.