Doctor Strangefate Strikes Back

It's another Amalgamonday and DC vs. Marvel Phase II continues. The rules: All Amalgams from any given series see their constituent parts go at it, and the cumulative winner gets to publish those constituents' series. This time, they're fighting to see if they can hold on to the right to publish Dr. Strange (Marvel) or Dr. Fate (DC). Yes, I know they aren't publishing either right now, but maybe it would encourage them to! Let's throw in some extra stakes based on the characters appearing in Doctor Strangefate: If DC loses, they have to cancel Zatanna. If Marvel loses, it's goodbye to the Hulk. How's that for stakes?
Current score: 2-2
The proof: Round 1 - Round 2 - Round 3 - Round 4

Weight Class - "Abominite": Hellgrammite vs. AbominationHellgrammite pros: Will turn you into an icky monster if you don't watch out. Intergang connections.
Hellgrammite cons: Ugly as sin. Looks nothing like the larval fly he's named after. Part of the reason people say Superman has the worst rogues' gallery.
Abomination pros: Stan Lee simply told artist Gil Kane to "make him bigger and stronger than the Hulk and we'll have a lot of fun with him". One of the few supervillains to appear in The Incredible Hulk tv show (remember that one?).
Abomination cons: Strength does not increase with anger. The ears which even the film couldn't bare to try.
Win: No contest. The Abomination smashes Hellgrammite into green and yellow goo, just like we kids used to do to caterpillars in our backyards. 1-0 Marvel

Weight Class - "Myx": Mr. Mxyzptlk vs. Wong
Mr. Mxyzptlk pros: Imp from the 5th Dimension who can pretty much do anything.
Mr. Mxyzptlk cons: If he says his name backwards, he must leave.
Wong pros: More than a manservant, he's got a secret origin and everything. The keys to the Sanctum Sanctorum. Martial arts master.
Wong cons: Has no magical abilities, though you'd think he'd have picked something up by now.
Win: Since Wong is not from Mxyzptlk's multiverse, he has no way to know the imp's Achilles' heel. He gets turned into whatever animal is in his Chines horoscope. 1-1 all

Weight Class - "Skulk": Solomon Grundy vs. the Hulk
Solomon Grundy pros: Swamp zombie with a Southern accent (the genius of Super-Friends). Considered to be "wood" by Green Lantern's ring (unsure how that ability translates to an advantage against other opponents). Named in the song "Superman's Song" (because he rhymes with "money").
Solomon Grundy cons: Too many secret origins. Rotted brain-level intelligence.
Hulk pros: You wouldn't want to make him angry. Potentially strongest Marvel character. The Gray Hulk. Can't hold a job.
Hulk cons: The Red Hulk nonsense. Limited vocabulary. Keeps the purple pants industry in business, and I so hate purple. Small woodland animals rob him of his anger/strength. World War Hulk was neither a war, nor took place across the world.
Win: Solomon Grundy can hold his own against Superman, but we're talking about the Hulk here. White-face make Hulk angry. Hulk SMASH!" And that's that. 2-1 Marvel

Fourway: Weight Class - "Jade Nova": Jade vs. Nova vs. Fire vs. Kyle Rayner (Green Lantern)
Win: While Frankie Rayner is a Herald of Galactus, I'm afraid she can't possibly take on three former Justice Leaguers alone. Though Fire can't burn her, Jade and Kyle can certainly snuff her out. 2-2 all

Threeway: Weight Class - "White Witch": Zatanna vs. Scarlet Witch vs. White Witch
Zatanna pros: The fishnets. Paul Dini's obsession keeps her in business. Can potentially do anything. Her role in Zero Hour.
Zatanna cons: Having to remember those damn reverse-speak spells! Not everyone likes burlesque. Her role in Identity Crisis.
Scarlet Witch pros: Can potentially do anything, including improbably winning a fight.
Scarlet Witch cons: Awkward love triangle involving a robot and her brother. Her role in House of M.
White Witch pros: Trained on Zerox. Physical vessel for the disembodied soul of Amethyst, now a Lord of Order.
White Witch cons: Nowhere near as powerful as other spellcasters in the DCU (until she replaced Mordru). Uses a D&D spell slot scheme.
Win: Depends. Is Paul Dini writing it? I bet he is. He can't help himself. The Scarlet Witch sends some powerful hexes their way, giving Zatanna an improbable bout of laryngitis, but the White Witch has the exact right gargling spell ready to restore it in time for Z to reverse speak Wanda into unconsciousness ("tou ssap eitum yhtlif"). You don't like it? Blame Dini. 3-2 DC

The Main Event!
Threeway: Weight Class - "Doctor Strangefate": Dr. Fate vs. Dr. Strange vs. Professor X
Dr. Fate pros: Serves the Lords of Order directly with powerful Egyptian magicks. A cool tower that's bigger on the inside. His own style of speech bubble.
Dr. Fate cons: Way too many identities over the years. Nabu does most of the driving. The half-helmet.
Dr. Strange pros: The universe's Sorcerer Supreme. A cool house in Greenwich. Spends half his time in the Ditko Dimension. Can merge with universal concepts, destroy and restore universes, and reverse time.
Dr. Strange cons: One of the few Marvel Universe original heroes who can't hold a series.
Professor X pros: Most powerful telepath ever. Patrick Stewart.
Professor X cons: Not a sorcerer, so what's he doing here? Wheelchair-bound. Claremont-scarred.
Win: Dr. Strange works on the universe's scale, and while Dr. Fate has had his moments, he's a guy who basically took down crooks in the 40s. Strange tells Xavier to just sit there while he takes care of business, which he does, SUPREMELY. Just another chance for Nabu to skip vessels really. 3-3 all

Oh my! It looks like we have our first tie! Both companies can continue publishing what they want in the magical spheres, and in our side-game, both Hulk and Zatanna are safe. That's 3-3 overall between the two companies, but join us here next Amalgamonday for another brawl of multiversal proportions!

What If... the Alien Costumed Had Possessed Spider-Man?

Another "recent past" storyline from the 80s (but we'll see next week that it's not what Volume 2 does exclusively), this time by Danny Fingeroth and up-and-comer Mark Bagley.

What If vol.2 #4 (October 1989)
Based on: Amazing Spider-Man #258
The true history: When Spider-Man's symbiotic costume starts giving him trouble, his girlfriend the Black Cat recommends he go see Reed Richards. Richards uses a sonic device to isolate the creature and reveal its true nature. Spidey goes back to his original costume, and the symbiote eventually becomes Venom.
Turning point: What if the Black Cat didn't encourage Spider-Man to go see Reed Richards?
Story type: Slayer
Watcher's mood: Shiny foetus
Altered history: Because the Black Cat doesn't suggest Reed Richards as a possible avenue for help early on, Spider-Man goes to the Baxter Building on his own at a different moment. Reed isn't there, so he goes to see Dr. Connors (the Lizard) instead. Connors doesn't come up with any answers and so it's only days later that Spider-Man finds Reed at home, and by then, it's too late. The symbiote has permanently bonded to him.
The combined scientific and mystical expertise of Richards and Dr. Strange are unable to free Peter Parker from the symbiote, which is now completely controlling him. It escapes. Later, Dr. Strange is about to send the Hulk to the Crossroads dimension when the possessed Spider-Man arrives and pulls the Hulk out of the wormhole. It releases a spent Peter Parker and takes over the Green Goliath.
The Hulk-symbiote jumps away, while the other heroes are left caring for an aged Spider-Man. Peter Parker is now older than his dear old Aunt May, so he goes to visit her one last time.
Within days, he's dead of old age. The Black Cat shows up at his funeral and leaves with the Kingpin. He can offer her something no one else can.
Reed Richards builds a better sonic weapon to use against the symbiote, and he and the Avengers track the creature down. There's a big fight at Mount Rushmore where the symbiote lets Bruce Banner go, drained of gamma energy, and bonds to Thor instead.
It's too powerful now and neither the Avengers nor Reed's gun can do much to it. So he brings in the biggest sonic gun there is: Black Bolt.
Thor is released, and the symbiote weakened. Dr. Strange prepares to send it to the Crossroads dimension where it won't be able to do any harm (I guess he needs to finally cast the thing so he can free a slot for another 9th level spell).
SHZZAAAK! That's the sound of the Black Cat killing the symbiote in revenge. She stole the schematics from the Baxter Building and had the Kingpin's guys build her one. In exchange, life-long servitude. What is it with Spider-Man's romantic entanglements and deals with the devil?
Books canceled as a result: Spider-Man's books are all canceled (bring in the clone!), as are any future Venom projects (and there was some rejoicing). I think the Hulk will survive this. Bruce Banner can never really be free from his curse, and I doubt he was drained "forever".
These things happen: Though the symbiote would go on to develop a "personality" of its own and infect a variety of individuals, it never actually possessed Peter Parker himself. Superhumans it did bond with (or try to) over the years include Ms. Marvel and Franklin Richards.

Next week: What if Wonder Man Had Not Died?
My guess: You mean he's dead?

What If... the Hulk Went Berserk?

I suppose it's natural that with my look at the original What If? series, there'd be an increase in What If-related posting. The actual reason I'm doing this one now instead of next Saturday is because I've already done it! Way back in January of 2009 in fact. But since it wasn't formatted like my other What If? posts, I've decided to do a little update.

What If Vol.1 #45 (June 1984)
Based on: Incredible Hulk #1
The true history: Bruce Banner sees Rick Jones drive into a gamma bomb testing ground and runs off to throw him in a ditch. He gets the brunt of the blast and, irradiated, soon becomes the Hulk.
Turning point: What if Bruce Banner was a little slower getting to Rick Jones?
Story type: Team Slayer
Watcher's mood: Hard-boiled... egg
Altered history: In this parallel, Banner doesn't get to Rick as quickly and fails to throw him into the ditch. Only Banner's thin body acts as a radiation shield.
What this does is link the two men telepathically. So when Banner becomes the Hulk in the hospital (and it's the Savage Hulk, not the nocturnal gray Hulk), Rick can feel him and vice-versa. General Ross soon learns about this bond, and starts torturing poor Rick... which isn't helping the Hulk calm down any.

Guess what this does to the Hulk? His only brain friend dies IN HIS MIND! Well, from them on, it's Die Ross Die! Loads of destruction ensue, with the Hulk throwing ICBMs at Ross' helicopter.
That's when ol' Thunderbolt decides to call in the super-heroes. First on the scene are the Fantastic Four. Hulk destroys the Pogo plane, but it gets worse. A brawl with the Thing ends at a missile silo where the Green Goliath decides he hasn't had enough radiation for one day.
The explosion turns both men human again, but as soon as Banner wakes up, carried by Ben Grimm and moaning about Rick, he's not far from ripping his pants some more.
Ouch. The Human Torch is next, buffetted into another state. Reed and Sue Richards realize then and there that they are the sucky half of this team and leave well enough alone. Iron Man comes to rescue, but his "delicate" armor can't stand up to the Hulk's rage and bam, just like that, Tony Stark's heart is stopped.
Which leaves it all up to the mighty Thor who breaks the Hulk's neck and burns Banner's body with a well-placed lightning bolt.
Most. Hardcore. What if. Ever.
Books canceled as a result: Let's see. No Hulk. No Fantastic Four. No Iron Man. This might even have hurt Captain Mar-Vell's chances.
These things happen: On a regular basis in fact. The Hulk's always going berserk. However, if you're looking for a storyline about the Hulk never being allowed to rest from his enraged state, may I suggest John Byrne's run on the title? In that story, Banner finds a way to split himself off from the Hulk, resulting in a weak, crippled Banner and a force of nature Hulk that cannot be stopped. Yes, it's Star Trek's "The Enemy Within", but with more green.

And Saturday: What if Spider-Man's Uncle Ben Had Lived?
My (second) guess: Responsibility? What's that?

Movie Marquee Friday: Infernal

With a sincere touch of the piano...
As straightforward as tribal drums, but as devious as jazz...

The puny inside the large...

When a director falls in love with a woman...

Stamped in Roman letters on the desert...

Descending through idols to the continuous hell...

Uninterrupted time weighs heavy in the neon glow of the street...

Your elevator to hell is ready...

Vintage gives way to a momentary illiterate scrawl...

This Week in Geek (5-11/07/10)

Buys

Only one purchase this week, but it's been something of a holy grail for me - Wong Kar-Wai's In the Mood for Love, special edition. I had all of this director's films that are available on this side of the planet, save this one, and it's widely considered to be his masterpiece. Damn you, out of printness! Anyway, now I do and the only question is, do I put it into the Kung Fu Fridays rotation despite its total lack of action? Or do I just savor it alone? Money's on the latter.

"Accomplishments"

DVDs: In the spy corner, we have Spooks (or if you prefer, MI-5) Series 7, in which we shockingly lose a number of players. I'm happy to see Ros come into her own as a no-nonsense, but compassionate leader, and Richard Armitage's Lucas North slips into the role of hero very nicely too. This series takes the series-wide conspiracy of the previous series, but leaves on a slow burn for most of the 8 episodes, making this an exciting hybrid of stand alone and serial. Spooks is, I feel, getting into the same kind of heightened groove The Unit did, after more realistic beginnings. And that's cool. The DVD includes a couple commentaries, a half-hour behind the scenes documentary and a couple of featurettes. In the Series 6 release, I didn't think I was learning much that was new about the show as key cast and crew rattled off the same old opinions and stories. Series 7 is much better on that point.

In the cult SF corner, I watched Silent Running for the first time, and it must be the most depressing film of the 1970s. Which is saying something. I don't think I liked it at first. Preachy in the first act, with long boring scenes in the middle, and a protagonist that is never really likable. Strangely, it's the sad little drones that you most empathize with, despite their looking like boxes. The load of extras on this cult classic is really why you should check out the DVD. It certainly made me like it more. There's an hour-long documentary that charts every part of the making of the film, rare for the 70s. It details how it was made on a shoestring budget, follows the cast and crew on the decommissioned aircraft carrier where it was filmed, and makes us meet the bilateral amputees who played the drones (when you think it can't get any sadder!). The director and star share an over-awed commentary, but it's a frequently insightful one. There are also some more modern interviews with the two of them, giving the production a bit more hindsight, and also covering their later careers.

In the Doctor Who corner, I flipped The Keys of Marinus, starring the 1st Doctor, Susan, Barbara and Ian. It's in fact only the Doctor's fifth story, and the second by Dalek creator Terry Nation. It's got a reputation for being dull and dreadful, but it's a lot better than that. Taking its cue from matinee serials, each episode features a different environment and enemy for the TARDIS crew to encounter. None of them are particularly developed as a result, but there's enough energy and inventiveness on screen to cover the holes in the sets and plot. William Hartnell took a vacation for a couple weeks, giving the companions (except Susan, really) the chance to shine. His return is your only stop for Doctor Who courtroom drama. Fun if fluffy. Sadly, this is one of the "cheap" releases without many extras. Designer Ray Cusick is a bitter pill in his interview, laughably so, but is much nicer in the presence of others during the commentary. The most notable extra can only be viewed on your home computer - a series of Cadet Sweets cards featuring the Daleks, the Voord from this story and "Doctor Who" (a combination of the tv and movie versions of the character).

In the superhero corner, I decided to catch up on some superhero movies I wasn't in a hurry to experience. The revolving finger fell on The Incredible Hulk, which inevitably, I must compare to Ang Lee's first Hulk film. You might think the cast is stronger (or at least as strong) with the inclusion of Edward Norton, but I found each character to be slightly miscast, even the new ones. Certainly, I miss Sam Elliot and Jennifer Connelly. In the case of Banner, it works for the first half hour, when he's on the run in Brazil (I quite like that part), but as soon as Betty's back in his life, I guess I don't buy the chemistry. And really, though effects have improved since the first Hulk film, this monster is just as CGI as the other one. I am glad they didn't do another origin story though, simply throwing it out there in the opening sequence, more Incredible Hulk the tv show than the comic. The direction is modern and dynamic, and the story, on the whole, better than Ang Lee's version (which went on for one act too many). So call me... ambivalent, but progressively more positive about, especially after viewing the 45 minutes of deleted scenes (which includes a lot of Doc Samson stuff). The DVD also includes lots of making of materials, which are generally pleasant and informative, and a slow-as-molasses "animated comic book" scene from Hulk: Gray, barely connected to the film. The commentary track between director Louis Leterrier and co-star Tim Roth is surprisingly fun, and thankfully subtitled (they tend to talk over each other with their varied accents).

I'd been sitting on Punisher War Zone for months because, really, I liked the first one and didn't see a reason to reboot and recast it, but when I realized Frank Castle was played by Rome's Pullo, Ray Stevenson, I just had to kill the evening with it. Sorry, Hulk, you've got to share your corner. And Dominic West's in it? Gee, I guess when a film does badly, no one talks about it. And this movie IS pretty bad. For one thing, it pulls in too many directions. Stevenson plays Castle with a haunted subtlety (he's the best thing here, along with Wayne Knight), while the bad guys have one over-the-top foot in Tim Burton's Batman films and the other in torture porn. The cops are meant to provide comic relief, but the comedy falls flat. Certainly, there's none of the black comedy and dry sense of humor of the Thomas Jane film. Another thing that bugs me is the accents. Half the cast is made up of Brits and the New York accents are either outrageous or just don't sit comfortably. And it's incredibly violent. So was the previous one; so is the Punisher concept. But here it's sadistic without having been earned (the comic earning it does not mean you can go directly there). You'll never see such soft human being in your life, where a punch can blow up a head. It's far less imaginative than the Jane film, and at times suffers from weak direction as well. Nice cinematography and all, but the good bits are few and far between. Maybe the DVD extras can add value... Well, the self-congratulatory commentary between the direction and d.p. sheds light on why I don't like the film. You can't defend your film by saying we need to read the source material, guys. It's got to stand on its own. Comic book movies obsessed with recreating comic book panels have been bugging me since Sin City proved a redundant experience, and here the filmmakers work on the false assumption that the Max Punisher series is in any way as iconic as, say, Watchmen. I'll leave at that to be polite. There are also a half dozen superficial featurettes. If Marvel really feels the need to reboot the Punisher once again, my dream casting is Max Martini. But they really shouldn't.

Why no Kung Fu corner this week? Well, barring the fact the corners should really come in fours, we watched only part 1 of John Woo's Red Cliff this week. The thing's close to 5 hours long, and in this unbearable heat, I thought it best to split the experience in two before we all passed out. Part 1 was still a pretty complete entertainment experience though!

RPGs: Second session of Savage Worlds: Evernight down the hatch. A simple dungeon delve to continue to test the player characters' (and system's) possibilities and limits, and their first leveling in order to at least attempt to overcome spotted limitations. Being exploration, traps and encounters, there wasn't much room for me to do NPCs, which is always a shame, but I think we've licked the combat system and made it quicker. Quick enough that players are comfortable with trying out tactics. Which doesn't account for the dwarf tossing. Here's to more of the same next week (tactics, not dwarf tossing).

New Unauthorized Doctor Who CCG cards: 12 cards from Fear Her. Not everybody's favorite (or anyone's, really), but I think I managed to wring some good stuff out of it. And then 15 from Voyage of the Damned.

Hyperion to a Satyr entries this week include:
I.v. The Ghost's Tale - Branagh (1996)
I.v. The Ghost's Tale - Olivier (1948)
I.v. The Ghost's Tale - BBC (1980)

Movie Marquee Friday: Living Here

A rusted and flickering place to stay...
Hitting the badge dead center...

Calligraphed blood on the parchments of history...

Piano usually heralds the hustle...

Cells at play in the realm of radiation...

Iraqi rock not withstanding...

Never show your game, but always know your marks...

What If... There Were No Fantastic Four?

At first, it seems like this story isn't playing very fair with us, setting the origins of every single Marvel hero in the same week, but then I realized what writer Roger Stern was doing. By effectively removing Marvel's first superhero series from continuity, he prevents the entire Marvel Age from occurring. It doesn't really work as a timeline, but it's conceptually perfect. What we get is a Marvel Comics that's still exclusively doing monster stories (which the Thing's journey becomes). Rather interesting!What If Vol.1 #31 (February 1982)
Based on: Fantastic Four #1
The true history: Four people go up into orbit in an unprotected ship and get hit with cosmic rays. When they come back down, they have super-powers, so they band together as the Fantastic Four.
Turning point: What if Ben Grimm was unhinged by his transformation?
Story type: Deviated origin
Watcher's mood: Acne problems
Altered history: In this reality, the Thing refuses to join the FF and instead goes a little coo-coo for CocoPuffs. He's a freak! A monster! They all are! He starts a rampage across the country while the other three lay low and prepare to stop him. When he hits New York, he briefly meets Alicia Masters (oh the potential!) and then starts interfering with everyone's secret origin. He throws a truck and scares Peter Parker away from the science exhibit...
He causes a traffic jam that makes Don Blake miss his plane to Scandinavia. Thor remains legend.
The government pulls Tony Stark away from his trip to Vietnam and Bruce Banner from his gamma bomb tests to work on a weapon that can stop the Thing.
They'll never get shrapnelled/irradiated now! And that's the Baxter Building Ben's climbed up on. It gets destroyed in the battle. Thunderbolt Ross gives the Fantastic Three a few minutes to reason with Ben, but it doesn't work. And neither does the Stark-Banner cannon.
It just makes the Thing stronger, but somehow depowers the rest of the would-be FF. Ross is so angry, he promises that none of them will ever work for the government again. No Iron Man armor! No gamma bomb! No rocket back into space! It's hard to become a superhero when you don't have DoD funding.
Books canceled as a result: Fantastic Four, Amazing Spider-Man, Iron Man, Thor and Incredible Hulk are all out, which by extension means we lose Avengers, Sub-Mariner and Captain America. The Watcher does make reference to Dr. Doom and the Skrulls still menacing Earth, but perhaps this time other heroes rise up. Looks like Marvel Universe would have surrendered to X-Mania 15+ years early. And Ant-Man. He's still around.
These things happen: The FF dropped to three a number of time, but it didn't put the group in serious jeopardy. They just recruited other people. Most famously, the Thing was replaced by She-Hulk for a long stretch.

Next week: What If the Avengers Had Become Pawns of Korvac?
My guess: Everybody dies (when in doubt...).