Reign of the Supermen #393: Blooperman

Source: Go-Go #6 (1967)
Type: SpoofCharlton's answer to Mad Comics, Go-Go, featured such "hilarious" concepts as Miss Bikini Luv and Superella, but they didn't jump on the Superman parody bandwagon until Go-Go hit issue 6 of its 9-issue "run", in a crossover entitled "The BLA vs. the Marvelous Super-Heroes (in a pulse-pounding, pile-driving, power-packed Showdown". The "story"? Thinly veiled parodies of Marvel's and DC's heroes are on strike, and nobody bothered to tell Blooperman. When he prevents a plane from crashing, he's ostracized by the Marvelous Super-Heroes. Later, in an unconnected event, the Marvels insult the BLA, and the Bestest Leaguers attack. The battle ends when the President of the Comics Code issues an order not only to stop fighting, but to get back to work, you know, for the best interests of America's youth. So they do... All, except for Blooperman, always one step behind.
I think I just slapped my knee so hard, I went rolling down the aisle. Cough.

And despite the promise of more BLA stories, neither Blooperman, nor the Fumin' Torch, nor Scrap-Iron Man, nor Aquariuman, etc. were ever seen again. Oh Charlton.

Charlton Love

There's something altogether bizarre about Charlton Comics, and I don't mean that in a good way. Take their view on love, for example. Charlton did have some romance comics, but that stuff leaked into their monster comics too:Oh yuck. And what about King Kong rip-off, Konga?
I don't even want to know why he imagines himself with giant exploding breasts in his dream.

And if you had both together?
No, no. Let's not even think about it. Lalala, I can't hear me. Let's change the subject. Maybe, uhm, sharks?
Aw damn, Charlton! Why would anyone do this?

I guess they got cocky once they managed to predict the line from one of the biggest romantic blockbusters of all time:
With Burt Reynolds on the role of Jack.

Remember, kids:
CHARLTON DOESN'T NEED YER STUPID MONEY!

The Charlton Captain Atom LIVES!

Secret Origins was one of my favorite series, believe it or not, especially because it usually featured a Golden Age hero's origin in each issue. One of the most memorable origins was from the Silver Age, but for a modern hero: Captain Atom's. Now Secret Origins #34 (DC, December 1988) could have been a dull one because this version of Captain Atom had only been around less than two years, his series starting WITH his origin story. What new element could they bring to the story? None. But what about an old element?

In a genius move, we're told the Charlton Comics version of the story. I'd read a couple stories of the original via reprints with the Modern Comics banner, but I didn't think I'd ever see the permutation again. That origin? Dude drops a screwdriver in the nosecone of a nuclear missile bound for orbit testing. Wasting time reaching for it, he's gone with the rocket and atomized by the explosion.
NOT!
The storytelling baton is passed to another member of the select "we knew Captain Atom before he went public" club, filling us in amazing "feel good" adventures that clearly never happened post-Crisis (can anyone with access to the Charlton material confirm that these stories were actually published?).
So the twist: The government is trying to cover up their involvement in the creation and control of Captain Atom, so they've manufactured this cover story. Good ol' General Eiling is a bit of a nitpicker though:
A great use of the character's history, even if it's a history bought wholesale by DC. Captain Atom was without a doubt the Charlton character most changed from his origin concept (no screwdriver or anything), with Blue Beetle, Question, etc. rather close to the originals, so it's great to see the old red and yellow suit in action at least once in the DC Universe. Thanks for the memories, Cary Bates, Greg Weisman, Alan Weiss and Joe Rubinstein! (And Ditko, can't forget Ditko!)

Charlton Mistakes

Face it, there are many...

This is not judo.Daniel Boone cannot be abbreviated Dan'l Boone, or Daniel B'ne, or Da'oon, or anything like that. No matter how much you need to rip off another company's trademark or have a special affection for the words "Frontier Scout".
And sometimes, it's all a mistake.

But in the interest of throwing Charlton a bone, here's a series it was a mistake not to publish more than 7 issues of.
Should still be running as far as I'm concerned.

But Charlton... Charlton says "It's enough that we try."

Charlton: The House of Bad Ideas

Charlton... DC and Marvel's sad little brother... Not quite up there with the greats? Or just not trying very hard? Presenting some more dodgy ideas from the little company that couldn't.

I have no doubt there used to be a market in boys' comics for car racing. Was that market enthusiastic at the prospect of reading a story where the "hotrod" is a 1920s "Little Eliminator"? We may never know.
Another interesting decision: Licensing a musical. Before Hallmark developed singing greeting card technology, I don't see how this could have worked. And if it's just the story of 1776, I'm pretty sure History is in the public domain. I certainly wouldn't have paid a licensing fee for it!
Another terrible license: Hee Haw. Just what I've always wanted to read, a comic based on Laugh In's retarded inbred cousin. (TV historian's note: Laugh In was pretty bad to begin with.)
And we end on one of Charlton's later "horror" anthologies. The genius of this series was the highlarious pun in the title. "Weirwulf", get it? GET IT? Throw in a surfing ghost and you have a recipe for making an easy 40¢.
So you call it (you may want to review further evidence by clicking the Charlton tag below). Did Charlton follow the Law of Least Effort, or is it actually hard work to reach this level of boneheadedness?

Friday Night Fights: I miss Blue Beetle

Because Bahlactus demands it, here's how a Squid guy SHOULDN'T fight Blue Beetle (from #1 of the Charlton series):Squid's mistake here is giving the Beetle the chance to become a human whirlwind of FISTS!

So does Squiddy learn from his mistakes? Nooooooooooooooooooo...Who told you to fight with your back to the wall?

Yeah, I miss Ted Kord. Long live Earth-4!

Charlton at it again... and again

Oh Charlton, why don't you want our money? You obviously need it. This is the cover of Doomsday +1 #1:
And this is the cover for #7:
Recycling covers? Oh wait... what? #7-12 are reprints of #1-6, from only two years previous? And Doomsday looked promising too, what with the early John Byrne art and story about astronauts teaming up with cavemen.

CHARLTON WILL NOT STAND TO HAVE A POTENTIAL HIT ON ITS HANDS!

Charlton: Sucky or just not trying?

In the 80s, before the multiplicity of comic book companies and imprints, my corner store comics stand was a pretty simple thing, much like network television. You had three major guns, DC/CBS, Marvel/NBC and Archie/ABC, and you had the black sheep of the bunch who might've been a contender, Charlton/Fox. While Fox had a couple of outside-the-box-type hits, like The Simpsons and X-Files, it mostly aired cheap'n'crappy reality TV, such as When Animals Attack IV! Similarly, Charlton had a couple of potable properties, like Blue Beetle and Captain Atom, but a lot of forgettable EC-lite stuff and eventually, a reduced cheapo size.

Far-fetched? Here's proof-positive:How close is this to Desperate Housewives? Now that you're convinced, let me go on...

Charlton didn't share Fox's fate, and the company stopped publishing in 1986, with many of its best properties being bought and incorporated into the DC universe. So... are Charlton's comics just not as good? Were they victims of an imploding market? Mismanaged? I've got a theory, and I'll share it with you:

Charlton simply didn't want to make money.

That's right. They didn't want our cash. Just look at some of their ideas for comics:
Charlton's answer to DC's Rex the Wonder Dog is Black Fury. He's a Wonder HORSE. How exciting is that? There's nothing wrong with a horse per se, but 69 issues over 11 years? Really?!? From the covers alone, it never really got more exciting than this:
Do I pick this up for the horse vs. puma battle royale for the attentions of that sexy mare in the background? Or for the 8000-prize giveaway? Now, just for comparison's sake, let's see what a Wonder DOG would be doing in the meantime:
Uh-huh. Fighting a dinosaur while the world is being destroyed in a storm of atomic fire. See, you gotta EARN that "Wonder" in your nickname.

Or how about Brenda Starr, Reporter?

Charlton's rip-off Lois Lane isn't unpretty, but let me show you how to really sell Brenda Starr...
Ahhhh yes, that's the way. Thanks, Four Star Publications!

Or how about Johnny Dynamite? Sounds exciting, right?

Johnny, by the way, is the reverse-drag queen with eye patch. I don't know about Exciting, but I'll buy the Adult part.

I just know I'm gonna revisit this idea as many times as it takes to beat it into the ground, but for now, it's quite apparent that...

CHARLTON DOESN'T NEED YER STINKIN' MONEY!