Best Wolverine-Sabertooth Confrontation EVER!

We're just clear of May, so Morrison Mondays in May are technically over, but it seems to me like I'm not all that far from having featured every single Morrison work on the blog. Well on my way, as they say. So let's just keep calling the occasional Morrison Monday, shall we? Having covered a lot of the more obscure works, how about some mainstream today?

NEW X-MEN #142, Marvel Comics, August 2003
It took Grant Morrison to bring me back to the X-Men after more than 10 years. No surprise there.

New X-Men #142 occurs towards the end of his reasonably lengthy run, and is the start of "Assault on Weapon Plus", a story that asks "what if Wolverine isn't Weapon X, but really Weapon TEN?" It's really great too. But part 1 is just a prologue to tie up the loose ends from the previous storyline in which Cyclops cheated on Jean Gray with the White Queen.

So we catch up with Cyke in a Hellfire Club stripjoint, trying to get drunk and watching an illusionist stripper make like she's a whored-up Jean. That's what the real world needs, mutant strippers. (Of course, every strip joint I've ever been to had them, but they were the Morlock kind - brrrrr. Consequently, they've only been able to drag me there, like, twice.)

We've talked a lot about Morrison's Silver Age fetish, and penchant for high weirdness and disturbing imagery, but this issue spotlights his very real talent for characterization and dialogue. Cyclops has always been a jerk, but I don't think he's ever been this much of a real person before. Cyclops/Morrison on stripping: "Actually, I was thinking about how weird and sexless and unarousing this is... I know you probably have jeans and a sweater to change into backstage and a boyfriend back home. I can't fool myself into thinking there's anything more to this. So you're just making me feel a little self-conscious and embarrassed, to tell the truth." The girl: "Wow. You really know how to murder a nice romantic mood, don't you?" Cyke: "I think it might be my mutant power."

MINE TOO! See? I've never connected to Cyclops more.

Sabertooth and Wolverine are also at the club, and here's their big showdown:
Sorry kids, if you wanted a lot of claws and blood and 2-page spreads of these guys fighting like animals, you'll just have to turn to, oh, just about a billion comics where that happens. I'll just enjoy the rapier wit at the urinal, thank you very much. Wolverine wins: "You're lucky we ran into each other here. This'd been anywhere else, I'd have had you gutted and your skin hung up to cure by now." I feel the same way about people talking to me in a public washroom. Nothing's sacred to Sabertooth.

Of course, Wolverine's there to recruit Cyclops for a mission to find out yet another piece of his missing past. He drinks Cyclops under the table, Cyclops has to come. And since Cyclops is a chump and probably already drunk, he takes that bet. A drinking contest with Wolverine. Reeeeal smart.

I'll let you figure out how it ends.
Further Morrison reading:
Animal Man and its finale
Arkham Asylum
Batman: Gothic
JLA
JLA: Earth 2
JLA Secret Files
Flash
All-Star Superman (and the Bizarro issue)

Still plenty to go... Aztek, Swamp Thing, Mystery Play, 7 Soldiers, Doctor Who, Sebastian O, The Filth, Seaguy... Some of the British strips are going to be a little harder to track down, but I'll give it my best shot.

Hank Pym Is the New Doctor Who

So I tried Mighty Avengers for Dan Slott mostly, and lo and behold, he's turned Hank Pym into his own version of Doctor Who. Pym's HQ is a "Pym Pocket" in a broom closet, much bigger on the inside. Amadeus Cho makes reference to the TARDIS immediately:And check it out, it's a "magic door" through space-time as well:
We'll see if it can be used to time travel as well (probably not). But it doesn't stop there. He SOUNDS Doctorish:
There also a bit where he says magic is just science he hasn't explained yet, and his knocking "7th smartest person on Earth" Cho back a slot.

And and he's got his own version of the sonic screwdriver:
What does it say about me that I'm going to check up on this series despite the Dark Reign tie-in crap that's bound to accompany it only for this correspondence?

A Satellite Era Post, Cuz I'm Not Made of Stone

JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #218, DC Comics, September 1983
Justice League of America, in the early 80s, was a real bastion of trad superhero comics. Straightforward stories with straightforward art. Doesn't it make it bad! In fact, reading this issue now, I was reminded of the Justice League cartoon, and that's never a bad thing. Heck, this is just a "treading water before Justice League Detroit makes its appearance", and the current "Satellite Era" has nothing on this.

The issue starts out aboard the JLA satellite where Hawkman and Elongated Man are letting their hair down and playing some kind of 3D ship fighting game on the computer. When Wonder Woman arrives to relieve them from monitor duty, that's just Ralph's cue to... SHOOT HER IN THE ASS!
That's what I call a fun-loving League. Sexual harassment was only a glint in some lawyer's eye back in 1983.

Anyway, the plot centers around that crazy android inventor, Professor Ivo, using robots to grab physically fit people from across the globe. Unfortunately for him, one of the people picked up is the Black Canary. Well, it's not like the JLA is gonna take that sitting down. I love it when Wonder Woman gets first blood:
But then she gets shot in the face (she's gonna ache at both ends tomorrow). Still, the trail of clues leads Elongated Man to guess that the Metropolis marathon might be a major target for these androids. (And it will be - straightforward, remember?)

Meanwhile, Black Canary learns about Ivo's scheme. He plans to use physically fit people's DNA to rejuvenate himself. See, his immortality serum has developed... complications:
Yow! That's something even botox can't fix! The androids do attack the marathon, but the heroes head them off at the pass. One punch from Superman rips one of these dudes in half, but they're very lucky with their headshots and take him down (see, told you it was like the Justice League cartoon). After they take out Green Arrow's bow, what is the guy to do? Well, how about some teamwork from another lesser light in the team?
Love it when underrated heroes get their licks in! Speaking of which, Hawkman has in the meantime traced the androids transmissions to Ivo's base, so he goes there with Wonder Woman and Aquaman. Bam! As soon as they arrive, they're downed by a trio of androids, but Wonder Woman isn't knocked out. That's just about where she decides to kick some ass with the only maneuver that has ever made me find her invisible plane cool:
Then she deviates a laser beam into an android's face and throws Aquaman towards the water before taking another shot in the noggin. The water'll wake him Aquaman up and then he'll use a pretty funny maneuver himself. He calls some turtles over, has them carry a downed android into the ocean, jumps for it and dresses up in the android's costume. Good thing Ivo didn't make these guys to look like Johnny 5 from Short Circuit! Using this subterfuge, he gets into their control center and smashes everything. The androids are out for the count.

Only one page left? Damn! Things have got to be resolved (straightforwardly!). Ok, so that tool Red Tornado smashes Ivo's DNA machine and makes a speech about Ivo losing the last of his humanity if he commits these murders. Cue tears. Roll credits.

Null & Void Part I

WORLD'S FINEST COMICS #293, DC Comics, July 1983
Bar none, the comic with the best super-powered duo ever, and I'm not talking about Superman and Batman. Sure, those guys are pretty good, but I'll always have a soft spot for Null & Void's first appearance... one of only 5 (and none since 1984)! And that makes them the best characters that never show up.

Null & Void are gentlemen thieves who, when they shake hands, connect mystical tattoos that give them powers. Void can teleport things from one hand to the other, while Null can take away people's senses. They've apparently been operating since the 40s, but never been caught, and they get together for "one last job"TM.

But for a comic I would never ever trade away, it doesn't start too promisingly. Superman is on the scene of a crash between two planes, and by the looks of the survivors that bailed out of the smaller plane, the little Cessna had 2 kids and 8 adults aboard! What--?

And the first villain we see is the Expropriator, who looks like what you get when you press Randomize on HeroMachine!
Either that, or Big Barda's hand-me-downs.

But soon enough we're following Null & Void and everything's going right. Both are getting on, but Void is still a charmer who pickpockets a waiter only to see if he can do it, later giving the man back his cash. Null doesn't really want to commit the daring robbery, but the IRS is on his ass so he's desperate. How daring? Superman's yard sale (or charity expo), with both the Man of Steel and Batman on hand to answer questions. Void sure can pick 'em.

FIGHT SCENE!
Void, making Batman go "YEOWCH!":
Null, totally making Superman his bitch:
And they almost get away with it too! Great teamwork on their parts, really unusual powers, and a strong friendship that mirrors the World's Finest team's, yet manages to be a lot more believable. In the end, a senseless Superman smashes into one support beam too many and Void actually saves civilians AND Batman. I LOVE Null & Void. Somebody should really bring them back.

A fun "before they were stars" bonus can be found in the letters page: a letter by a 23-tear-old Norm Breyfogle, the man who was to become THE best Batman artist of our time (or so I've been known to claim). He decries the overuse of sci-fi, asks that Batman and Superman stop talking about their deep friendship and just show it through their actions, have a little down-time where they're not talking about the destruction of Krypton or the death of Bruce's parents, and maybe have differences of opinion once in a while.

And he's right! This very issue has them talk about Krypton and Crime Alley (as if there is someone, somewhere who has no clue as to these heroes' origins) as well as their deep friendship. Superman calls his relationship to Bats "special" to him, and Batman acts the groupie when he sees all of Superman's cool stuff. Speaking of which, I don't know what 90% of this stuff is, but of everything here, he chooses for the expo - what is that? A shield? Ma Kent's largest cookie?
"I like this thing - whatever it is!" Of all this stuff, that's what he picks up on. Whatever turns your crank, Bats. I guess you've got your own dinosaur in the Batcave, so that doesn't impress you.

First appearance of Null, Void AND Norm Breyfogle? A minor 80s classic to be sure!

Why I Like Firestorm

FURY OF FIRESTORM ANNUAL #1, DC Comics, 1983
Mentioning Firestorm the Nuclear Man yesterday sent me back to my old long boxes for early issues of FoF.

Firestorm was DC Comics' answer to Spider-Man. If Peter Parker had the mind of a middle-aged physics professor talking in his head... and the power to change the molecular structure of anything... and if his hair was on fire. Hey, it's the DC Universe. They just make 'em tougher. But the Nuclear Man is like a Marvel hero in that 1) he lives in a real city (the bad news is, it's Pittsburgh) and 2) he has a ton of personal problems (girl trouble, parent trouble, college trouble, he lives in Pittsburgh). And you know what? Firestorm was probably the first solo book I really got into.

The Annual is the climax to a storyline that, had it been written only 5 years later would have had some cool arc title, like Nuclear Wars or something. Basically, you've got a number of characters with nuclear-type powers and they're gunning for Firestorm. To quickly recap: You've got this Luthor wannabe called Hewitt who hires Multiplex (he's fission to Firestorm's fusion), finances Enforcer (a nuclear-powered suit of armor), creates Firehawk (nuclear fire) and finally turns himself into the human reactor, Tokamak! And at the end of the previous regular issue of Firestorm, he used his magnetic rings to crush Firestorm down to subatomic size.

But because of Firestorm's unique powers, he wasn't killed. Me? I'm a sucker for any story in which the Atom is sitting on an electron, getting a subatomic tan. So when Firestorm strips the electrons off an atom to cause a chain reaction that will give him enough energy to bounce back into full size. Well, that is just killer stuff from writer Gerry Conway.
Better still, when he does pop up, it creates a nuclear explosion in the heart of New York City! It's later implied that he absorbed all the radiation, but look at this panel and tell me those firemen aren't gonna die of cancer in the next couple months?
While the Enforcer fights a resurrected Firestorm, Multiplex is finding out that Tokamak has some serious problems. And I'm not just talking about his metal diaper.
Multiplex decides that his boss is quite insane (though any guy that calls his split-off selves "Duploids" is clearly not all there either). Total aside: Anyone ever figure out how Multiplex can have a porno moustache when he doesn't have his helmet on, but no moustache when he does? It is on a Duploid somewhere? Anyway, things that bug you as a kid.
So he gives up Tokamak's location, and the fight moves to Washington D.C. If nothing else, this gives Thomas Jefferson the chance to punch out a guy who based his armor on the Russian reactor that would blow up Chernobyl 3 years later.
The category is: Things I didn't know Firestorm could do. Had he used Lincoln, the fight would have been over right then and there. Now THAT ex-president can hold his own in a fight. Slave Owner/Molester vs. Great Emancipator? No contest. But Firestorm's not always that bright. Finally, Tokamak goes into meltdown (told you those Russian reactors were no good) thanks to Firehawk and there's another nice nuclear explosion, this time in D.C.

Nuclear explosions... In the Marvel Universe, they give you powers. In the DC Universe, they just look cool.

My First Crossover Ending

MARVEL SUPER HEROES SECRET WARS #12, Marvel Comics, April 1985
Secret Wars was the first crossover event I ever read, and definitely one of the first ever published. And though it's a very simple premise, it's that simplicity that makes it work. Basically, a godlike being from another dimension, the Beyonder, peeks into our own and sees something he does not understand: Desire.*

He decides to pit various motivations against one another on a piecemeal planet created from bits and pieces of planets throughout the galaxy. On the side of "good" (unselfish desire), you have all the best Marvel heroes (except Daredevil... jeers!). On the side of evil (selfish), you have an about equal number of Marvel villains. Oh, and you have Galactus the Devourer of Worlds pretty much by himself. Whichever motivation wins is the more powerful and will be rewarded with their heart's desire. The Beyonder has clearly seen one classic Star Trek episode too many, but that's what makes it a "universal" story.

How'd it end?

In the last issue of this 12-part mini-series, Doctor Doom revels in his victory. The heroes were all killed at the end of #11. It's not a mistake. Not a dream. Not an alternate universe. He's used his scientific know-how to usurp the powers of the Beyonder (the planet itself responds to desire so that you can manipulate reality there) and nuked the heroes' base. This is all that's left:
And Captain America's shield is more indestructible than Wolverine's skeleton! In case you needed it proven, this proves that Dr. Doom is the meanest, baddest Marvel supervillain of all time. His second order of business is to make himself handsome again. His third is to start maybe planning on getting his mom's soul out of Hell. Great set of priorities there.

The only villain that has remained loyal to Doom is Klaw, a crazy guy made of solid sound, and he puts an idea just as crazy into Doom's head: Imagine, if you will, that Colossus' alien girlfriend from earlier in the series, the healer Zsaji, arrives on the scene and finds the various bits and pieces of our heroes. A Hulked-out thumb here, a Spider-ass there. And among these, there's Colossus' almost intact body. Imagine she's seen the classic Star Trek episode "The Empath" and that she gives her life to bring Colossus back to life. Imagine he's seen Reed Richards operate an alien healing machine in a nearby compound and that it was enough to let him resurrect Richards with it ("less shredded than the rest"). Imagine Reed then resurrects everybody using that technology. Far-fetched? Yes. But if Doom can imagine it with his Beyonder powers, then it could happen. What if it has?

When he starts doubting, he immediately uses reinforcement techniques: "No... NO! They are DEAD!" And then...
Oh my (thunder) god, he's made it happen.

After that, he starts to lose control of his powers, so he gives a tiny bit to Klaw while he tries to contain the rest before he blows up the universe. Klaw pretty much uses it to create monsters for the heroes to fight, but he's got another agenda. When Captain America gets through the defenses, Doom disintegrates him. But Klaw resurrects him again... and again... and again! In that moment of confusion, the Beyonder shows its hand: It was hiding inside Klaw and now grabs its power back and sends Doom and Klaw "away".

And after that, it's all about picking up the pieces. Captain America, the baddest mo-fo on the heroes' side fixes his shield using willpower alone, and everyone but the Thing goes home. Since he can wish himself human here, he wants to explore the planet a little before going back. Meanwhile, the villains have left thanks to Molecule Man moving a chunk of Denver through space. And of course, they're all at each others' throats. The funniest part of that section is Thor villain Enchantress calling up a water elemental in a bathtub:
When she isn't happy with the creature's attitude, she FRICKIN' TRIES TO DROWN THE POOR THING! Yes! She's drowning a water elemental! Ok, ok, she's actually boiling her alive. Like that's better? That Enchantress is one mean b****!

Let's take a quick look at what changed after Secret Wars. After all, these things always advertise that "nothing will ever be the same again", right? So here's a quick rundown:

-Deaths: None permanent, and none that even appear to be permanent (even Kang's).
-New characters: Spider-Woman II (pretty cool), Titania & Volcana (ok villainesses)
-She-Hulk joins the Fantastic Four (good stuff!)
-Spider-Man gets the black costume which will become Venom (good until it became bad)
-Colossus and Kitty Pryde, splitsville (good, she's mine, ALL MINE!!!)
-Professor X gets to walk and wants to lead the X-Men in the field (in an awful yellow costume, no less; this was not a permanent change)
-The Thing's comic gets a new status quo, with him hanging out on Beyonder World (I bought exactly 1 issue)

Overall, I guess it's most important for how Venom was introduced, but I think you can see why it wasn't used as his origin in the movie! I dunno. Can we hope for as much in the endings of both Secret Invasion and Final Crisis?
*If you've ever seen the Super-Friends episode "The Last Challenge" (totally recommend the Challenge of the Super-Friends DVD by the way - it's rad!), your eyes may be open as to where Jim Shooter took the "simple" idea for Secret Wars. Godlike being takes heroes and villains to another world where they fight it out? Yeah, real original Jimbo.

Underage Underdogs

POWER PACK #1, Marvel Comics, August 1984
Could any superhero team be MORE the underdogs than one that features a toddler?

180 degrees from yesterday's entry, Power Pack will always be remembered as starring "the youngest superheroes ever" (you are now reminded that Paranex the Fighting Fetus is a villain). Yep, four brothers and sisters that make up the Pack are aged between 4 and 12. A friend of mine at the time (if the guy who never buys a single comic but reads all of yours can be considered such) ridiculed me for buying and enjoying "Powder Pack". Then he read them. Next thing you know, he's visibly upset that the series went Direct Sales, and our town couldn't get them anymore.

The first issue is, of course, the origin story, as four kids are given powers and a talking spaceship by a beautiful alien horse, and they save their parents from the evil, lizard-like Snarks. It very much has that fairy tale quality to it, while still being grounded in the Marvel Universe. Writer Louise Simonson gives the kids realistic personalities and dialogue, and artist June Brigman gives the proceedings a clean, wide-eyed look. Here's the thing about Power Pack: It's charming as all get-out, and just the kind of comic you could read to your small child before they got to bed.

How could your kids not be enchanted by Aelfyre Whitemane?
How could it not break their hearts when he sacrifices himself by distributing his powers among the kids to allow them to save their planet (he's got a Kirk-like mentality when it comes to the Prime Directive)? This leads to some lovely scenes as the Pack discover who got what. And I can't fault Simonson's choice of superhero names either, they really sound like something kids would think up. The oldest, Alex, becomes Gee, able to create gravity fields. The bookish Julie can fly leaving a rainbow effect behind her and calling herself Lightspeed. Jack (the classic little boy who likes to tease girls and get dirty) can change his density, turning into either a cloud or Tom Thumb. He still thinks he's badass, so he calls himself Mass-Master (hilarious). And 4-year-old Katie actually GETS the badass power: She can disintegrate matter and throw energy bolts. She's like a battery, so she calls herself the Energizer (Marvel never tried for an Amazing Pepsi-Man comic, thankfully).
That just gives the Snarks a reason to want to kidnap the kids and use them as weapons, and the series is off to a running start. Thrilling action, sweet characters, pretty character designs... I have absolutely no shame in saying that I loved Power Pack. You?

Underdog Week Begins!

AVENGERS #174, Marvel Comics, August 1978
All week this week is Underdog Week. No, I don't mean the Terrytoon of that name. I mean to talk about those stories that feature characters that shouldn't have succeeded where more powerful ones fell, stories of triumph against overwhelming odds. They're some of my favorites.

Case in point: Avengers #174, a Mantloriffic favorite from my youth which I bought for cover price (35¢) from an unwary classmate when comics already cost 75¢ (Canadian). I don't have the preceding or following issues, but it doesn't matter. It's easy to catch up. What happened before is that the Eternal known as the Collector has collected all of the Avengers ever (dude even has Two-Gun Kid), except four... which have just arrived on his doorstep to free their teammates. It's like finishing your collection in one big eBay package.

Our four: Thor, Wasp, Iron Man and Hawkeye. Who's the underdog in the lot? Certainly not Thor, though Iron Man seems to think so.
I'm not sure I buy this noble sacrifice. Maybe Tony was AUI (Armored Under the Influence). I dunno. Anyway, the Collector uses Iron Man's special "I'll take the hit" power against him, and when he covers for the Wasp, the bullets turn out to be for him.
Cigarette butts... of RUST!!! Next is Thor, whose Uru hammer is embedded in negatively charged electric creatures. The Collector next fires a positron cannon that doesn't do Hawkeye any harm, but zaps the negatively charged Thor. He's out.
Next: The Wasp*.
So we're left with Hawkeye. The only one there without any powers. And the Collector is really only getting him because he's a completist.
Yeah, I kept buying Uncanny X-Men far too long because of that.

So you've guessed it. Hawkeye is the proverbial underdog. Every single Avenger has fallen and the situation is grim. There's no way that grasping arrow taking away the Collector's wand will keep the archer safe for long. But the quiver is full, ladies and gentlemen. Alien pterodactyl? Bola arrow.
Incendiary capsules? Grappling hook arrow.
A blade arrow cuts some wires free, Hawkeye swings off them and lands in front of the Collector... who immediately starts using his cosmic powers to crush Hawkeye into the metal deck.
Wait, what arrow is that? And does he have a clear shot?
Answers: An electric arrow and OF COURSE HE DOES! Remind me never to play pool with Clint. So the Collector is rendered unconscious and Hawkeye can merrily wake all the other Avengers. For some, this is rather...
...humiliating!

You know, this made me a fan of Hawkeye's for life. And not really a fan of Thor at all.
*For when the Wasp was the underdog, click here.

Great Moments in Galactus History: The Secret Snack

My very first Galactus story was actually the seminal crossover event series Marvel Super Heroes Secret Wars. Some hate it, but I love it, and Galactus is a big reason why I do.

In Secret Wars, in case you only really know it as the reason Spider-Man 3 was fubarred, Secret Wars featured an omnipotent being, the Beyonder, getting all Star Trek on the Marvel Universe and wanting to understand our concept of desire. He created three camps based on types of desire and a patchwork planet to act as battlefield. Those that desired the welfare of others - the heroes + Magneto - those with more selfish desires - the villains - and all alone in his unfathomable camp, Galactus.

First thing the big guy does, of course, is try to destroy the Beyonder. Well, that doesn't quite work out. STAKES, people, STAKES!!!Doctor Doom comes upon him, and far from being the whiner his heralds have tended to be, he gets right back up and moves on to the next plan.
Look Ma, no hands!!! To add to the badassery, Galactus completely ignores Marvel's King Badass, Victor Von Doom.
So where is hungry giant going?

He calls up his ship so that he has the tools required to eat the planet (cue U2's Desiiii-iiii-iire!). The ship arrives in the 5th issue, and check it out, it's bigger than the star the planet revolves around!
The damn thing fills the sky for the next 4 issues when, after setbacks caused by the heroes who just don't want the makeshift planet eaten just now, just can't wait anymore... SO HE EATS HIS SHIP!
Don't worry, just a snack, it won't hurt his appetite. THE PLANET'S NEXT!!

Well, it wasn't quite, because Doom just can't stand not being top dog for long, but I call interference. Galactus rules!