New 52: Week 4 Batch 1

Last week! I'm gonna go ahead and use the same format I did for the past three, and start with the best-known names, with the other half-dozen to follow tomorrow. As usual, these capsule reviews are geared towards the potential new readers DC claims it is wooing.

Aquaman #1
One thing Geoff Johns does in this Aquaman relaunch is make it a proper introduction to the character. The powers we don't see in action are at least discussed, his origin is told, Arthur repositions himself as a man who wants to explore his human, not Atlantean, heritage, and all with Ivan Reis' excellent art. Bit heavy-handed however. Most of the information we get because an obnoxious blogger corners Aquaman in a diner (it's tell, don't show), and Johns gets pretty strident (pun not intended) about defending the character. Though there's action and characterization, most of the issue is spent on repeating old Aquaman jokes and deflating them. Telling new readers that they're wrong to denigrate Aquaman only makes sense if you expect new readers that are antagonistic towards the character. For readers who do like Aquaman, they may resent the hell out of being told that Aquaman's no one's favorite and making Arthur suffer the indignity of having that thrown in his face. If you start the series out with Aquaman as a laughing stock, I'm sorry, but you have did him in yourself.
Don't call it a reboot: Unknown. Looks intact, but his history may have been shortened to exclude various eras of his career.
Upgrade? This is pretty much exactly where we left the character in Brightest Day, except the new Aqualad is nowhere to be seen. I hope he shows up later.
Will read? As a card-carrying member of FOAM, I sort of have to. And want to.
Recommended? Aquaman's a badass, and I want new readers to find that out. I just wish Johns hadn't been so gauche in showing it. Hell, new readers will probably get a hoot out of the comedy.

Batman: The Dark Knight #1
Let me tell you how pathetic I find The Dark Knight. First of all, it's a Batman comic designed as a showcase for David Finch. He's an artist I don't like (his perspectives and compositions are as bad as Liefeld's, he just hides them in more intricate detail so many readers won't notice) and an improvised writer, who here gets help from Paul Jenkins (showcase no more). Fans laughed at relaunching this book which took the better part of a year to get to #5, and now it's right back to #1. And this new #1 is just awful. The art is everything I expect it to be, and so is the script. Batman's first person narration is pretentious and overdone. Bruce Wayne swings on ropes without his costume, risking discovery. Anytime a woman shows up, it's a pin-up or ass shot. It's the second Batman book this month to feature an Akrham Asylum break-out, which tells me there's absolutely no editing going on. And don't tell what they've to Two-Face this issue makes him remotely more interesting, because it doesn't. It just comes off as silly.
Don't call it a reboot: Batman Inc. is mentioned, so it's business as usual.
Upgrade? You'd think having help from a co-plotter would help. It doesn't.

Will read? Not a chance.
Recommended? Avoid at all costs. New readers, you want to read Batman and if you have another 3$ in your pocket, Batman and Robin. That's it. You shouldn't even be thinking about picking up Dark Knight.

Flash #1
Francis Manapul is an excellent artist, very well suited to the Flash. I could recommend this book on the art alone. But can he write? Yeah, he can (here with the help of Brian Buccellato). Barry Allen, the fastest man alive, shares superheroics with the wacky world of SF CSI, making this a mystery book as well as a high concept superhero comic. What's here is solid enough, and acts as a pretty good introduction to the character, one I wouldn't mind handing to someone. Longtime fans will gripe at Barry's marriage being undone, Iris West relegated to pesky journalist who bugs Barry, but hasn't really met the Flash yet. For those fans, it's even worse. Barry's on a date with another woman. But as a reboot/relaunch, that's fine. Maybe they can get a will they/won't they dynamic going. Works for half the tv shows out there. What the book needs, however, is a good villain. Like many comics in the New52, the title hero faces off against nameless goons, which again makes me feel like the villains of the new DCU have been short-changed. Certainly makes that cliffhanger stand out as one of the most boring this month.
Don't call it a reboot: Marriage undone, playing the field, probably didn't die in the Crisis and come back. Totally a reboot.
Upgrade? Nah. It's the same series it used to be, without the deeper, richer history and relationships.
Will read? Yes. Enough of a Flash fan to do so, and Manapul's first effort wasn't bad.
Recommended? A solid superhero comic that uses its CSI element better than Johns did in the previous volume. Manapul's art is very nice as well. A good intro overall.

Green Lantern: New Guardians #1
One of DC's more confusing efforts, New Guardians starts with a needless re-origin of Kyle Rayner in a flashback that isn't advertized as such. After that, there's a caption that says "Present day", and when we return to Kyle, he's got a different uniform, but he has to explain to a kid that he's not Hal Jordan. Entirely plausible, but it still makes it feel like Kyle's a rookie, and if you miss that caption (I did, at first), you'll get the feeling Kyle's history's been erased. Hopefully it hasn't, because that would make Tony Bedard's series clash with the rest of GL continuity, one of the few untouched chunks of DC's continuity. Looks like Bedard tried to make New Guardians a better jump-on point for new readers with that origin, but it really isn't. New readers won't really know what the heck is going on with all those colored rings, and like Justice League, the team isn't assembled by the end of the issue. The cover, in fact, acts as a spoiler about who will appear in later issues. The art by Tyler Kirkham is good enough, though derivative of Jim Lee's, and of course, it must include that staple of Lantern comics, gory violence. You only have to wait for page 9 before someone gets graphically disemboweled. So a slow start, though at least it presents an intriguing mystery.
Don't call it a reboot: A small one. Kyle's origin has been tweaked.
Upgrade? Only insofar as Kyle's gotten to lead his own series, whereas he was relegated to sharing the spotlight with two other Earth Lanterns in GLC before.
Will read? I am interested in the Lantern sector of the DCU, so yes. I hope New Guardians starts to move a little faster though.
Recommended? With reservations. New readers are unlikely to understand concepts developed during the War of Light without the help of trade collections despite being thrown a bone with Kyle's origin (which is predicated on some Oan event they won't recognize anyway).

Savage Hawkman #1
Carter Hall is a cryptologist (I guess he helps decipher alien languages or something? he's not a cryptoGRAPHER) who used to be Hawkman. He decides to burn his old wings, but the Nth metal has other ideas. It transforms him into a new-look Hawkman and he must immediately fight the horribly named Morphicus, an evil pile of alien vampiric goo. I didn't think much of Tony Daniel as a Batman writer, but Hawkman's more of a blank slate. Maybe he can do something more original here? It's not a bad start, one that gives the character a new beginning without voiding his past (couldn't have more series in the relaunch gone this route?). Philip Tan's art isn't strong on faces, but is helped along by the painterly colors of Sunny Gho. Tan loses some stiffness when he gets into the more fantastical and action-based scenes, so there's potential there.
Don't call it a reboot: Though some elements have definitely been de-emphasize, it doesn't feel like a reboot. Dialog seems to point to a more or less intact history, though probably without Thanagar in the mix. Let's call it a more streamlined history, then.
Upgrade? Still wondering where the JSA will be, because this is definitely its Hawkman, and not Earth-1's Katar Hol (who I'm kind of missing at this point). The new paradigm still has to prove itself, so I'm not gonna call it an upgrade quite yet.
Will read? Give it a couple more issues. I've been wanting a competent Hawkman series for a while. Is this it?
Recommended? A good jumping on point, with everything you need to understand the series. Doesn't quite stand out as one of the series new readers really should read, but perhaps if it keeps up a kind of Supernatural/X-Files mood, it could find its niche.

Superman #1
George Perez didn't just write this comic, he drew the breakdowns for Jesus Merino's pencils. And it shows. Where a lot of DC's #1s have wide open spaces, a low average for panels per page, and lots of splashes, Perez' Superman is dense almost to the point of claustrophobia. This thing took a lot longer to read than the rest of the line, and I'd call that a good thing. Perez does a lot of things right. For one thing, he successfully tracks how media works these days, turning Lois into a frontline tv news producer, throwing tweets and web exclusives into the mix, all the while keeping old-fashioned guys like Clark and Perry plugging away in the dying print media. That's the real star here, and all the action (a battle against a Kryptonian fire monster) is seen through the news broadcasting process. The soap opera elements recall the late 80s and early 90s, again a good thing, even if I might decry the loss of Superman's marriage (but I'm moving on). Superman isn't THAT brooding, at least not yet. It all seemed justified to me. So it's a hit as far as I'm concerned. If there's a flaw, it's Superman's new costume, and I imagine it's not a coincidence that Perez and Merino often draw him at a distance or in close-up, giving the suit as little play as possible. Other redesigns that look awful: Jimmy's Bieber haircut and the crazy-ass new Daily Planet building. There was talk of making Perry a black man, but it's Morgan Edge who gets a new ethnicity instead. The supporting cast shows a lot of variety, actually, even if the roles were small this time around.
Don't call it a reboot: Completely.
Upgrade? Chris Roberson had brought Superman back from the brink after JMS' false start, so I'm not ready to call it an upgrade, but it's certainly not a DOWNgrade.
Will read? Yes. I liked it more than I thought I would. Reminded me of the franchise's better years. So long as I don't look at the suit directly.
Recommended? A resounding yes. There was a lot of exciting stuff happening, and not just with the superhero - Lois may turn out to be the true protagonist of this book. And you can't beat its content-per-dollar value.

Teen Titans #1
Just horrible. I knew I didn't like the costume redesigns, but I find Brett Booth's artwork disagreeable in general. Generally poor, he has trouble with page layouts, choreography and clarity. But writer Scott Lobdell is more guilty still. Not only does he pull off the New52 trick of taking too much time assembling his team (only three members have speaking roles, despite that being less than half of what's on the cover), but he also writes Teen Titans like it's an X-book. We're told upfront that there's a veritable "plague" of metahuman teenagers. That's not the DC Universe, is it? We meet up with Red Robin who feels the need to assemble these fugitive teens, Kid-Flash who screws up royally on national tv, and Wonder Girl, completely revamped as... well, I can't make sense of who she is really and what her abilities are. So nothing happens much and the Teen Titans don't actually exist by issue's end. Annoying AND ugly.
Don't call it a reboot: Tim Drake was Robin, but his Red Robin series may well have been erased. Wonder Girl's been rebooted entirely. Kid-Flash too, probably. I'm calling it a reboot.
Upgrade? The franchise had had a lot of trouble since, well since Marv Wolfman left it, frankly. Even so, this is a step WAY DOWN from where J.T. Krul left the book last month.
Will read? You can't make me.
Recommended? Not on your life. You do not want to crack this thing open, trust me. Boring, badly drawn and confusing.

The quirkier books I REALLY want to read will be tomorrow (but also Voodoo, so it's not gonna be all roses), I hope you'll come back for that. Of today's crop, Teen Titans and Dark Knight are clear losers, while all the others are imperfect, but pretty solid, Superman especially.

Reign of the Supermen #299: Hawkman Superman

Source: DC Comics Presents #74 (1984)

Type: The real deal (since retconned)Sometimes, all you need for an Amalgamonday is for Superman to get depowered, turn to a superhero who uses technology to give himself powers and go "Gimme."

As the highest ranking guy on any team, they MUST comply.



Now I'm hungry to see Superman use Blue Beetle's scarab, or Wonder Woman's lasso, or Ambush Bug's costume...

Reign of the Supermen #180: Seer

Source: Action Comics #757 (1999)
Type: Computer simulationBeing the third part of Jor-El's post-Crisis modeling of alternate rocket destinations for his baby Kal-El...

This week: Becoming Hawkman
Landing site: Thanagar
Adoptive parents: Though found by Katar "Hawkman" Hol's father, the baby was quickly surrendered to the state.
A new life: Hawkworld being the fascist police state that it is, they implanted Kal with a device that controlled how he could process solar energy, crippling all his physical powers, but increasing his sensory ones. Now he is Seer, a one-man eavesdropping machine who listens, watches and reports on everyone, all the time.
Eventually, Katar Hol finds out the truth and he embarks on a campaign to whisper sweet nothings into Seer's ear from afar. It works, Seer escapes and Katar removes the device from his neck, restoring his powers and allowing him to take up truth and justice in addition to law and order.
Final score: D+

Joe-El's liner notes have been lost to the ages, but one could surmise that having his son used as a super-bug 24/7 was not the best result. He gets out of it eventually, but he still has to live in the rubbish heap that is Thanagar.

Ironic Brightest Day Versus Ironic Heroic Age

As both of the "Big Two" comic book companies apparently enter a brighter, more positive era, we look at just how well each of their "show runners" are handling it...

From Brightest Day #2
Firestorm's face getting shredded!
A mom pulling her face off after killing her entire family!

Hawkman vowing murder!
From Avengers #1 (Heroic Age banner)
Some future teen Avengers committing murder most noir!

Wolverine on the team!
I can't believe Steve Rogers actually put him on the team for his "ruthlessness". Real "Heroic".

And I can't really find any other moments, but that's because Bendis just has them talk for most of the issue. So it's business as usual. The "Heroic" hits keep on coming.

Joe Kubert Appreciation Post

I'm on deadlines at work and a little too tired to do much research (you know, like actually READ a comic to write about it), so I thought I'd just post a pile of Joe Kubert artwork, just to let you know that he's probably my favorite comic book artist of all time. The more I think about it, the more that statement is true.

Pics chosen for sheer variety... (jokes on the mouseover, as usual)And I'm afraid I don't want to bend by Fax from Sarajevo.

Tell me about YOUR love for Joe's work!

What's in a Power? - Talking with the Animals

When it comes to people getting powers from lethal doses of radiation, or aliens being able to fly because they were born under a different sun, it's probably best not to think too hard about how those powers work. But risk, gentlemen, risk is our business. I just can't help myself. And anyway, figuring out how a power works helps superhero writers (and role-players, which are a kind of writer) come up with new an interesting ways to use their characters' abilities. Truly, the bread and butter of the superhero form (look at the Flash, who does a lot more than run around, for example).

Here's one that's got me thinking entirely too much: Talking to the animals. Aquaman, the Hawks, Ant-Man, Dr. Doolittle... How do their powers work exactly? On the surface, you'd think it's simple enough. The hero can either interpret the animal's language (vocal and gestual) or read its thoughts (cue Aquaman's concentric circles, mwoomwoomwoomwoom). If the hero can "tell" an animal to do something, then it's mind control. And the most realistic portrayal of the power usually plays like that.

That explanation does not, however, cover everything we've seen animal talkers do. It doesn't explain how Topo can play the banjo.It doesn't explain how an animal can understand human concepts, or talk about them by name, how it can be sent to collect information or how we can be privy to a humorous conversation between two ants. In short, it can't explain how an animal can be smart enough to talk with and like a person.

Theory: The hero makes them smarter
In proximity to the hero, our little fish or insect suddenly finds its intellect enhanced, enough so that it can carry on a conversation, even carry out complex tasks outside of its instinctual set of behaviors. Since these animals often exhibit "humanized" personality traits and facility with idiom, the hero may in fact be imparting a part of his own intellect to the creature, projecting that personality onto the animal's psyche.
Has anyone checked if Aquaman himself can play the banjo?

Now, I'll believe a dolphin has its own language, especially in a superhero universe, but many of these target animals have very limited brain capacity. Birds? Fish? Ants? Not exactly Nature's highest order. So how can our hero transmit this heightened IQ to the animal? The DC Universe has an interesting answer in the morphogenic field, AKA the "Red" (akin to Swamp Thing's "Green"), a field that surrounds the Earth and links all of its animal life. It's how Animal Man can mimic animal abilities, and it could be how Aquaman talks to fish. If the field exists, it could link our hero's mind to that of marine animals (an eco-field that could resonate distinctly) allowing for the transmission of intelligence. If a fish's expanded mind is greater than its brain tissue would allow, it exists within the field, around the talking animal. Why around the animal rather than the hero? Because that would make Aquaman's potential range as large as the world if we go by this scene in which fish relay a message to the Sea King:
(It goes on for the rest of page, making it clear Aquaman is leagues away, though it's possible it's all the same ocean.) Which still begs the question: How did those fish communicate in Aquaman's absence? (Similarly, Ant-Man's ants get up to trouble while he's out of the house.) With or without the existence of a morphogenic field, it's possible creatures retain their high IQ for a time. It might degrade with time, or might be more or less permanent due to prolonged exposure (like Topo). And since each planet has its own field, it explains why Aquaman isn't usually able to speak to alien marine animals. The Hawks, for their part, seem to have no trouble talking to Earth birds despite being from Thanagar. Are all Thanagarians plugged into the morphogenic field and able to speak and direct "avians"?
Certainly, different heroes (or versions of heroes) have variant levels of ability. Sometimes the animals speak, sometimes they merely respond to commands. Some animals speak as well as any human, others appear to have the obsessions and dim wit of their kin.

Power Stunts
If we accept this model for animal communication, a writer (or role-player) looking to use the power in a new and interesting way has a pretty good tool box. Might he be able to "push" another character's "lizard brain" to enhance human intellect? Could he reverse the morphogenic flux so that he gained an animal's instincts and mental abilities (like a pigeon's sense of direction)? How about a hero with multiple personalities all incarnated into animal companions? If a hero can enhance one ability through the field, can he perhaps enhance another? Aquaman making eels go stiff and turn into a pretty solid net mesh seems a pertinent example.

Give a power a limit (like "it basically reads animal body language") and you limit the character. Give the power an explanation, and you open doors for stretching into new and unusual ways. Agree/disagree?

Cats: The Real Geek's Pet

I have a cat. You've seen him a few times on the blog. I've always been a cat person. Never really known what to do with dogs, but seemed to have an innate connection with cats. My mom used to say all her kids were born part-cat. Part cat and 100% geek, in my case. A thought I came across in Douglas Coupland's microserfs some years ago: Cats are the geek pet of choice. They are, aren't they?Lifestyle
Cats are relatively low maintenance. They save food for later if you're not around. They bury their bidness for easy-scoop removal. They can stay outside all day, or need never go out at all. A healthy indoor cat doesn't need to be bathed. Though they have their peek hours of activity, an adult cat will pretty much sleep 20 hours a day, and though demands for attention can make them cause unforeseen property damage, they don't do it when you're not around. So this is the perfect animal for the young professional, sit-in-front-of-a-computer, prone to weekend road/business/convention trips, kind of people who make up a large segment of the geek community.
The Dog Argument: Having to go AFK in the middle of a Raid down Karahzan to take Skippy out for a walk is right out.
Just Like Their Owners
Having a pet often represents a meeting of human and animal minds. We think of them as people. We choose them as companions because we see ourselves in them. How many of us are fat couch potatoes? How many of us put up a too cool, apathetic, jaded front, while forever readying the sharp barbs of a rather vocal rant? How many are always curious for something new? How many divide our time into sleeping, eating, playing and burying our crap? How many look smarter than we really are? Prone to nocturnal habits? How many are essentially pussies? Two geeks fighting must indeed look like a cat fight. I'd use those moves.
The Dog Argument: Dogs tend to look dumb, as sometimes, do we. I may just have to disown the costume-wearing segment of our population. And while loyalty (principally to a geek subculture) is important to geeks, I think cat loyalty has been underestimated for far too long by dog lovers who like to play up their treacherous tendencies. It's called the art of the ambush, something your perpetually barking dog can't possibly comprehend.
Mystique
Another thing that draws geeks to cats is their aura. These animals remain relatively undomesticated by scientific standards. You don't own them, they own you. It's a pretty great adaptation when you think about it. They've evolved a defense mechanism that essentially makes them too cute and cuddly to eat. Purring alone has to be up there with opposable thumbs! And who needs opposable thumbs when you can get someone to do everything for you? While some cultures are notoriously immune to their highly evolved charms, others are genetically prone to it, like the Ancient Egyptians and... geeks! Face it, cats are the more interesting of the common house pets by far - Egyptian gods, witches' familiars, the 9 lives thing, their power to cause bad luck, their ability to see ghosts, way more cat-themed superheroes and villains than dogs or goldfish... Cats are ninja of the animal kingdom. "Cool cats." And cats are funnier too, the internet is proof of that.
The Dog Argument: Dogs have their own mystique, and they tend to come off better in movies and on tv, where they are portrayed as faithful companions able to rescue children that have fallen down a well. Plenty of dog heroes. But that's very much it. Heroes and the occasional villain (the evil hero, if you will). They play to type. They're a one-trick pony... uhm... doggy.

Geek Cat of the Week #1: Salem Saberhagen
Name: Salem Saberhagen
Stomping Grounds: Sabrina the Teenage Witch (tv)
Side: Evil (with Good tendencies)
Breed: American Shorthair (formerly Warlock)
Cat Powers: Can go from flesh and blood to animatronic in the time it takes to jump off a couch.
Skills: Eat 7, Sleep 2, Mischief 9, Wit 8, "Singing" 1
Cat Weaknesses: Lizard Flakes. Sports channels. Maintaining a secret identity. An overriding desire to take over the world.

A Satellite Era Post, Cuz I'm Not Made of Stone

JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA #218, DC Comics, September 1983
Justice League of America, in the early 80s, was a real bastion of trad superhero comics. Straightforward stories with straightforward art. Doesn't it make it bad! In fact, reading this issue now, I was reminded of the Justice League cartoon, and that's never a bad thing. Heck, this is just a "treading water before Justice League Detroit makes its appearance", and the current "Satellite Era" has nothing on this.

The issue starts out aboard the JLA satellite where Hawkman and Elongated Man are letting their hair down and playing some kind of 3D ship fighting game on the computer. When Wonder Woman arrives to relieve them from monitor duty, that's just Ralph's cue to... SHOOT HER IN THE ASS!
That's what I call a fun-loving League. Sexual harassment was only a glint in some lawyer's eye back in 1983.

Anyway, the plot centers around that crazy android inventor, Professor Ivo, using robots to grab physically fit people from across the globe. Unfortunately for him, one of the people picked up is the Black Canary. Well, it's not like the JLA is gonna take that sitting down. I love it when Wonder Woman gets first blood:
But then she gets shot in the face (she's gonna ache at both ends tomorrow). Still, the trail of clues leads Elongated Man to guess that the Metropolis marathon might be a major target for these androids. (And it will be - straightforward, remember?)

Meanwhile, Black Canary learns about Ivo's scheme. He plans to use physically fit people's DNA to rejuvenate himself. See, his immortality serum has developed... complications:
Yow! That's something even botox can't fix! The androids do attack the marathon, but the heroes head them off at the pass. One punch from Superman rips one of these dudes in half, but they're very lucky with their headshots and take him down (see, told you it was like the Justice League cartoon). After they take out Green Arrow's bow, what is the guy to do? Well, how about some teamwork from another lesser light in the team?
Love it when underrated heroes get their licks in! Speaking of which, Hawkman has in the meantime traced the androids transmissions to Ivo's base, so he goes there with Wonder Woman and Aquaman. Bam! As soon as they arrive, they're downed by a trio of androids, but Wonder Woman isn't knocked out. That's just about where she decides to kick some ass with the only maneuver that has ever made me find her invisible plane cool:
Then she deviates a laser beam into an android's face and throws Aquaman towards the water before taking another shot in the noggin. The water'll wake him Aquaman up and then he'll use a pretty funny maneuver himself. He calls some turtles over, has them carry a downed android into the ocean, jumps for it and dresses up in the android's costume. Good thing Ivo didn't make these guys to look like Johnny 5 from Short Circuit! Using this subterfuge, he gets into their control center and smashes everything. The androids are out for the count.

Only one page left? Damn! Things have got to be resolved (straightforwardly!). Ok, so that tool Red Tornado smashes Ivo's DNA machine and makes a speech about Ivo losing the last of his humanity if he commits these murders. Cue tears. Roll credits.

Friday Night Fights: Sucker punch #5

I'll say it, I'm a Hawkfan. I ever liked the horrendously colored Hawkworld series. With the paratrooper Hawkman.

Where else can you see Byth drop trow and hot Hawkman with his very rude tail?Truly, this is the most terrifying version of Byth ever.
Truly.

Don't blame me. Bahlactus made me do it.

B&B 2-in-1 Round 6: Hawkman vs. Captain America

It's Round 6, and with the Thing at 3-2, Batman needs to tie things back up here.

In the black corner... it's Batman and Hawkman, written by Bob Haney and drawn by Johnny Craig and Charles Cuidera, Brave and the Bold #70, Cancelled: 2 Super-Heroes!

And in the orange corner... The Thing and Captain America (and Namorita and Mister Fantastic and Invisible Girl and Medusa and Wundarr), written by Steve Gerber and drawn by Sal Buscema and Frank Giacoia, Wundarr Team-Up... I mean, Marvel Two-in-One #4, Doomsday 3014!

And here we go again... DING DING DING!

The Stars
Since Hawkman shows up late, Batman gets the lion's share of the action, and he has to show an impressive amount of stamina in this issue as he battles an entire mob all over town. Then, when you think he's the greatest hero ever, he gives some money to a bum:
A whole DOLLAR!? Bruce really knows how to spend those big bucks. I guess he's gotta save his money for spare batarangs. In any case, the homeless man in question is in the villain's employ and he gives Batman some change... some BUGGED change. After realizing that he's being tracked in order to uncover his secret identity, Bats gets points for tricking his unknown enemy by placing a false call to the police as Bruce Wayne, stating that he called Batman because of a threat on his life... thus explaining why the tracker coin got to Wayne Mansion. Get it? After that, the plot gets confused and silly, and well, I can no longer Batman's logic. He leaves the coin with Carter "Hawkman" Hall so that suspicion now falls on the Winged Wonder, and then there's a costume switch that makes no sense, and the whole creation of a secret identity for Bruce Wayne as a former crook who changed his name. Whatever. What I remember most is that Bruce Wayne has a very nasty habit:
You jump across rooftops with those lungs? For shame! Still, the opening act gets him to +7 bat points.

Ben Grimm's still babysitting Wundarr (now relegated to Odds and Ends as I refuse to consider him a true guest star, see below) and in this story, he takes him to the zoo. There's one good thing that comes out of this, really:
It gets the Thing to beat up a lion, a tiger and a gorilla! Sadly, the panel where he punches a lion so hard he must surely have killed it was too close to the book's crease and it didn't scan in well. Just one more reason to buy your own copy - what am I, the public library? Gee... reading Marvel Two-in-One sure makes me aggressive. Is it all the quality clobberin', or just the presence of lame-ass Wundarr? Now, while I didn't think Batman should be smoking, look here, so does Ben:
You know whay THAT's ok? Because it's a cigar, that's why. And cigars are cool, whereas cigarettes holders are gay. Wolverine and Nick Fury said so, and who am I to argue? Ben also gets points for suggesting that the only way to stop the bad guys is "ta break every bone in their bodies!" See? That's what I mean about quality clobberin'. +8 points

The Guests
Hawkman shows up late, just in time for the absurd secret identity shennanigans, which isn't to his credit. No extra points for having Shayera with him, as she doesn't dress up as Hawkgirl. They're in Gotham for some fancy museum to-do, and Carter gets points for being quite a progressive curator, giving a speech about making the past live, etc. He loses them when he makes a priceless Roman chariot crash into a wall though.
That's not very "archival"... The final secret identity solution has him reveal to the bad guy that he is really an alien, complete with funky mask. Lots of fun, since he IS an alien living among us. +6 bat-points

There are cameos by Mister Fantastic, Medusa, Sharon Carter of SHIELD, Wundarr and Namorita, but I'll take care of them later. No, the true guest star is Captain America. He's on a date with Sharon at the zoo and deals harshly with some looters, though no punching animals. Boooo! After a hard minute's fighting, it's off to the Baxter Building for tea and crumpets. When an unexpected Mantis lookalike shows up from the future, he learns that he's a legend in 3014 (see Quesada? Still relevant after almost 1000 years!) and volunteers to go help her liberate the Earth from the evil Badoon. That's what it's all about for him: Freedom and knocking teeth out with his shield. +5 points

The Villains
In the bat-corner, check out this loon:
I was actually impressed. The Collector wants to collect the rarest thing of all: superhero secret identities. His massive computer even comes up aces by correctly identifying Bruce Wayne as Batman, but he's a meticulous madman. He must have absolute proof or this knowledge is worthless. And so begins his plan to track Batman to Wayne Mansion thanks to 1) the tracker coin pass-off and 2) getting a mob to stage crimes to determined points to make sure Batman kept the coin. He also manages to pump Batman and Hawkman full of truth serum to make them admit their identities, but since they are, for some reason, wearing each others' costumes, it doesn't quite work. Eventually, the guy goes to prison with some erroneous thoughts on the heroes' IDs, but it's not like he'll ever tell, since that would invalidate his collection. Get this guy a room at Arkham. +7 bat-points

We don't even see the Badoon in this comic (it's to be continued), but we know they've enslaved the Earth in 3014. Basically, they've put silly Andorian antennae on everyone and turned them into henchmen.
And that big one on the right? That's (all together now) THE MONSTER OF BADOON! Just a guy big enough to give Ben Grimm some trouble and then carry him to its masters. You know what? I liked the escaped zoo animals a heck of a lot better. +3 points

Odds vs. Ends
From Brave and the Bold:
The plot generates a lot of suspense at first, but loses steam very quickly once Hawkman is introduced. Too bad, because his action scenes are rather fun. ±0 bat-point
Haney revels in giving every ordinary goon his own shtick and nickname, so Batman has to get through Ike the Iceman and Willie the Finger (jewel thieves), Sailor Sykes and The Admiral (canal pirates), etc. That Nick Cathcart Mob is a hoot! +3 bat-points
An example of Haney's effusive style, as he gives the reader an alliterative multiple choice:
+1 bat-point
The Collector has a weird collection of Perispheres, replicas of the World's Fair buildings... It would later be revealed to be the secret HQ of WWII superhero group, the All-Star Squadron. So the Collector HAD a secret identity in his collection already, but just didn't know it. +1 retroactive bat-point
The Collector's computer is so surprised by the real identity of Batman that it can't help but exclaim:
It even types in [...] for a more dramatic effect. +1 bat-point

From Marvel Two-in-One:
In the smoking boudoir picture above, you might have noticed that the boys had Medusa and Sharon making coffee in the kitchen or something. If you think that's the best use of a SHIELD agent's talents, raise your hand. -2 points
Steve Gerber's pet project Wundarr is, of course, still plaguing this comic. By this point, he's learned to talk like a friggin' moron, calling the Thing "Unca Ben", having to be dragged by the hand, asking for candy and balloons and crying like a baby when he doesn't get what he wants.
I'm not sure how to make this character any more annoying. -3 points
Namorita has a small but crucial cameo, TAKING WUNDARR AWAY WITH HER. YES! There IS an Editor! I don't even care that it's superhero day at the New York zoo, just get Wundarr outta here. +2 points
Any story that uses Doctor Doom's time machine is ok by me.
+1 point

Farewells and Scoring
Batman and Hawkman cement their bond by laughing at the villain's folly while Hawkgirl goes "Oh, how naughty!"
+2 bat-points

Because the story is to be continued and our heroes are down for the count in the last panel, Ben doesn't get a farewell, unfriendly or otherwise (+0 points). One farewell I already gave points to, however, is between Ben and Wundarr, with a kiss from Namorita thrown in:

Round 6 ends at 28 to 14 for Hawkman as Captain America takes another bloody nose. It hasn't been his year, geez! So Batman DOES tie things up once again. Cap gets another chance next time, so watch for that rematch!