Oops. Ah well.
From Batman #219 by Frank Robbins, Irv Novick and Dick Giordano.
True, Becky's not a name that inspires terror, but then, neither is New-Wave (unless you're on a very niche radio station and broke your frequency button). Still, it could be worse:
"Look Out" is a pretty awful supervillain name, though if you had it, you wouldn't have to worry about your role in the team being ill-defined. Sort of like "The Driver" and "The Weasel Who Betrays the Team". And then Psimon shows up!
Ah. No. That's just a hostage with a shower cap. The Ms of D react by... looking up and stammering. Maybe they ARE worthy of the Outsiders. Watch out, jerks, because Black Lightning was hiding in that pile of manure!
(Yes, that's a metaphor for the team.) And thank you Batman for giving Geo-Force some credit. Thanks a LOT. We're probably going to pay for that with JLA memberships and Final Crisis specials. But let's use that rising anger and FIGHT!
Katana's brought her extra-long sword (it's taller than she is!), but don't worry, she's not allowed to stab anyone with it. And if you want to take back GF's credit, you can always ask why the team's flying powerhouse is taking up the rather safe rear. Now, please take your score cards out...
She's not trying to rust you, Rex, because you're not made of metal. Way to understand your own powers, dude. Turn into acid yourself already! And can New-Wave turn into ANY liquid? Or is that just actual acid rain? Don't be a baby, Rex, I've been sticking my tongue out for acid rain all my life. I lived near a paper mill. A PAPER MILL!!!
It's a draw! Halo reasons that if you have the same age as your opponent, that's enough in common to become friends. She obviously hasn't seen Mean Girls. So they just fly around all night when clearly, the girl who can shoot 8 kinds of energy beams should be able to knock out the girl who buffets her with wind.
"Blackie"? Really? I know it's a play on his superhero codename, but still. Coldsnap definitely deserves a decathlon kick to the head.
This has happened to me. Snow sliding down a rooftop has fallen on me that way. It did not knock me out. It did not put me out of action. And my body temperature was normal too, none of that "so hot I will melt my boyfriend" kind of crazy body heat. So while I will never deny Batman a win no matter what the opponent's abilities, let's at least make it a contest!
And GF gets bailed out of trouble by Katana. He's more or less evenly matched with Shakedown, and has extra powers to spare (lava blasts, flight) and he still needs the petite woman in the group to karate chop his dancing partner into submission. Or is he bracing himself against a building for another reason?
But Shakedown... you haven't TOLD US what you want! I guess Batman will have to be that guy.
Wait, didn't Geo-Force anti-grav those hostages away? Not very far it seems, because they still count as hostages! Way to go, college boy. Now your pal BL is gonna have to sacrifice himself. What have you got to say for yourself?
That's a pretty extreme response, so I have a theory to explain it (that is so ME, isn't it?). Obviously, Geo-Force thinks the Masters of Disaster are recruiting. Among the disasters they represent, they don't have a thunderstorm, so of course, Black Lightning is their target. But what about GF? Sure, they have an earthquake guy already, but he could be volcano eruptions or something, right? What some people will do to get out of being roomies with Metamorpho...
So "Blackie" leaves with the Mastas, and the Outsiders just stand there looking at them leave. You know, they didn't bring the hostages with them, you should just pursue. But who am I to tell Mike Barr what to tell the Outsiders to do?
And though we're only on page 15, I'm afraid the conclusion to this story will have to wait a few months when I get up the courage to do issue #10, because now we have to break for that Halo solo story. (Priorities?) So you'll just have to be patient before you can find out how Batman, armed only with the cut-out masks of his friends, will free Black Lightning from Disaster.
And who goes to every ceremonial ground-breaking he can? Why billionaire dilettante Bruce Wayne, of course! Partayyyyy!
Well, there you have it. Bruce Wayne loves to drink champagne and eat caviar in the poorest neighborhoods of Gotham, with a blond model on his arm. That's just how he swings. It's not enough to HAVE money, you've also got to RUB IT in people's faces. (But how the HELL is the city spending its money?!) But charity work, right?
Right. And Meredith?
Meredith is a girl who just loves hanging out with socialite types at construction sites in a bad part of town. Bruce sure knows how to pick them shallow. Of course, he's secretly funding this housing project so... did he do so anonymously? Leave a million-dollar envelope on the mayor's doorstep? Since when is this kind of thing kept secret from the media? Sometimes, it feels like you could take down the Batman with a single request under the Freedom of Information Act. And may I also say? Worst reporting job ever (well, until Robin Scherbatsky hits New York).
And then it turns dangerous. For gold shovels anyway. Now, how will the mayor defend himself (and his ego, oooh, sarcasm burn!)?
Yes, it's the Masters of Disaster crashing the party of the year by pulling a reverse-Die Hard (1. they're outside and 2. they pose as thieves but have another agenda). Heroes, ACTIVATE!
The World's Greatest Detective guesses that "Masters of Disaster" + costumes with obvious elemental themes + Heatstroke melting the only potential battle shovel in sight = Lame Mike Barr villains worthy of the Outsiders. He beeps them, 1984-style.
What kind of bedroom games were these two playing? Oh, there's a chess board in the background. Hu-huh, that's what he meant. Hey! How the hell do you cut from Metamorpho going on a date with Katana to THIS? Isn't the whole point of "meanwhiles" to show action is happening more or less simultaneously? Why set up a situation only to ignore it a couple pages later? But since everybody's at home in the following panels, we have to assume the crashed shindig happens later in the day. So Gotham City is also paying overtime for its municipal catering crew? Bruce might want to look into what he's funding exactly. Bet those gold shovels don't come cheap either.
You know, Mike Barr, your subplots run so slow that I can't tell if Halo talking to herself has something to do with HER, or with Katana's sword, or with goblins in the bowels of the Wayne Foundation.
Everybody gets an annoying beep, but Black Lightning at least gets a personal call. Batman can be classy when it comes to people he thinks are real heroes.
Join me over the next couple weeks as we delve into the first full appearance of the Masters of Disaster. These guys each have powers and code names that have to do with a different disaster. Will we find out how exactly you would go about assembling such a group? Don't bet on it. And do they also play speed metal at a downtown student bar? Again, UNKNOWN!
What if Superman and Batman were brothers?
Altered history: In this imaginary tale, Pa and Ma Kent have apparently registered Clark Kent as an adoption and so they're on the books at having done an extremely good job, enough so they are offered the custody of Bruce Wayne after his wealthy parents are killed. Superboy's all, like, does that mean I lose flying through the window privileges? And the Kents are all like, you're so super, you can keep your secret identity from your new brother.
There's some initial jealousy because while Clark has to keep his grades at "good" so that people won't think he's Superboy (which I'd thought of that in school), Bruce proves to be both the top of his class AND top dog in the school yard. Superboy becomes suspicious of him when he sees Bruce take pictures of crimes being committed and makes himself a bad guy mask. The boys take turns at night going out on patrol, and Clark is shocked to find "Batboy" coming home with a sack of jewels. Just as Batboy is pretty shocked to accidentally find the Superboy robot closet!
It's all a misunderstanding of course. Batboy's just come back from putting a criminal in jail and will take the jewels back the next day. The brothers vow to work together from now on. Cut to Bruce coming of age and getting control of his trust fund. The Kents are retiring and selling the store so he asks them to live with him in Gotham Manor. Same for Clark who soon starts work at the Gotham Gazette (and Superman who joins Batman on the fight against Gotham's underworld). Tragedy strikes when Lex Luthor, looking to get revenge on the World's Finest duo sets a bomb that kills the Kents during a charity function! Batman goes crazy! I mean, FRANK MILLER CRAZY!
Bruce can't take the fact that he's lost two sets of parents to criminals and leaves Clark in charge of the Wayne Foundation while he disappears. Superman doesn't want to see his talents go to waste, so he helps him by taking him to the year 2984, where the adult Legion of Super-Heroes changes its constitution to allow a non-powered legend like him to join.
Books canceled as a result: The sidekicks probably take the biggest hit. There are no mentions of Lois, Jimmy or Robin.
DVDs: What can I say about 2001: A Space Odyssey that hasn't already been said, somewhere? I am of those who agree that it is a masterpiece and that it looks as good and relevant today as it ever did. I think I'll just talk about the DVD package instead. The commentary track is by co-stars Keir Duella and Gary Lockhood, evidently not taped together, but still providing insight on a great number of things, from working with Kubrick and on-set stories, to the film's reception and possible meanings. The making of material is all pretty good, but there's just so much to say about a film like this, it would take at least a third disc to adequately cover it. What 2001 needed was to be as stuffed with extras as a Lord of the Rings boxed set. And still, there are two hours worth of documentary features, covering the making of the film (with both contemporary and vintage features), its legacy for filmmakers, how its representation of the future compares to the real 2001, how the effects and concept art evolved, and discussion on the questions asked by the film. These do have behind the scenes footage, but are mostly talking heads - various filmmakers, critics and scientists. Additionally, there's a collection of Kubrick's photographs from Look! magazine, and a long archive interview with the man on audio only from 1966. The latter bugged by being unpausable, rewindable, etc., but was still quite interesting (though not actually focused on 2001).
Darren Aronofsky's Black Swan takes the story of Swan Lake itself and transposes it on the world of an anxious ballerina played by Natalie Portman. Like Aronofsky's Requiem for a Dream, it turns the character's anxieties into a hallucinatory dreamscape, so subjective, the audience never quite knows what's real or not. In the process, the fable turns into a horror film made all the more potent by the cinema verite feel of the camera work. It captures well, I think, the world behind the scenes of the ballet, but may not connect to all audiences given the sometimes shocking use of gore and erotica. Once Portman's breakdown is well under way, the film treads the fine line between the grotesque and the silly, but ultimately succeeds in the transcendent final sequence. The DVD includes a 48-minute making of that's rich in behind the scenes moments, shot guerrilla-style not unlike the movie itself.
Watched seasons 4 to 6 of How I Met Your Mother this week, and they kind of blur into each other in my mind, so I won't give each one a review. As a whole, there's no dip in quality from the first three seasons. If anything, the show's makers are settling in very comfortably, daring to play even more with the convention of having a narrator that's not necessarily always reliable. And though the mystery of who the Mother is continues to loom, they've also created (and sometimes paid off) other mysteries surrounding characters other than Ted (Barney's dad, for example, or the fact Ted meets the Mother when he's best man at a wedding, and then creating three distinct opportunities for him to become best man). So the series remains clever and full of heart, dramatic moments bouncing off the comedy quite well. Extras have dwindled a bit from Season 3 though. Season 4 has commentary on only 4 episodes (and one of those is by day players whose scene was entirely cut, funny but silly), a Q&A with the cast and crew (pretty good, but padded), a brief recap of past seasons, Barney's electronic CV as a music video, and a superlative gag reel (and yet, not a peep about two actresses getting pregnant in the same year). Season 5 is down to 3 episodes with commentary, another great gag reel, isolated "music videos" for Super Date and the awesome Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit, an actual new music video for Marshall's Best Night Ever, a look at how Super Date was achieved (surprising!), the full Wedding Bride trailer, a series recap that's an original song that sorta puts down the show, and a good making of feature about the 100th episode. For the remarkably emotional Season 6, it's 4 episodes with commentary, making of featurettes on two episodes (Subway Wars and Glitter), the always funny gag reel, a montage of things we know about the mother (including some new, but incidental, details), and a good number of deleted scenes.
I thought Disney's Mulan would have been an odd - if appreciated - fit for Kung Fu Fridays, but it really wasn't. It had all the staples: An irredeemable villain (he sets out to kill a little girl and does, guys), a girl disguised as a boy and no one can tell, guys in drag too, the Shaw Brothers' little bridge set, and an awesome training sequence! The animation is of course impeccable, and the violence, while bloodless, surprisingly harsh when it needs to be. Mulan makes an engaging heroine and even Eddie Murphy as Mushu the dragon is bearable (training for his later role as Donkey). Ming Na, Pat Morita and George Takei are all excellent casting. It's a charming action adventure and not a sappy romance fairy tale, so I don't mind having ONE Disney film on the shelf (though in the interest of full disclosure, one KFF patron did go home and immediately watch Van Damme's Cyborg to balance out his yin and yang). It's a special edition DVD, so there are plenty of extras: A valuable directors&producers commentary track, fun facts about concepts seen in the film, a wealth of design art galleries, the audio book version of the poem Mulan is based on, some terrible music videos (the highlight is Jackie Chan's version of I'll Make a Man Out of You, but its only production value is Jackie himself), deleted scenes in the form of soundtracked storyboards, and making of materials about most aspects of the production - from the idea to the international dubs - including various animatics. The glaring omission is the actors. Where were they for this? Some of the dub artists get more exposure than the principals, which barely rate a mention in the commentary. Us Ming Na fans have rights, Disney! (Also: None of the extras admit to the influence of kung fu cinema, which seems wrong to me.)
More animation? Ok. Batman Year One. To my surprise, they didn't go for the David Mazzuccelli look, though they did hint at it in a few shots, but they keep pretty much everything else from Frank Miller's seminal Batman (or should I say Commissioner Gordon) story. The tone of the original comics is very well reproduced, and Gordon makes as good an action hero as Batman does. Maybe Bruce Wayne's voice is too close to Gordon's (especially in voice-overs), but it's a minor point. Riveting stuff, and even if I'd already read Year One (maybe 10 years ago?), it still felt pretty fresh. Certain, at a few minutes above an hour, it was, if anything, too short. Because I got the 1-disc DVD edition, I can't tell you about the commentary track, or the documentary features on the importance of the book, etc. I CAN tell you about the 15-minute Catwoman short, which has Eliza Dushku reprise her role from the main feature in an extremely cool, extended action piece, whose only flaw is the NuDC scene in a strip joint, where even Catwoman does a little pole-dancing. Come on, DC. Too bad, because otherwise, it's top notch stuff. The new sneak peak is on Justice League: Doom, a feature that reassembles most of the original JL cast (Fillion's Hal replaces LaMarr's John) in a more-or-less original movie combining Mark Waid's Tower of Babel and the Super-Friends' Legion of Doom. Looks fun.
Audios: Ben and Polly's first trip in the TARDIS, The Smugglers, is one of those easily forgotten missing stories, and one of the last pure historicals. It's a pirate story with some good bits in it, and shows Polly to be the smarter of the two new companions. Ben is rather dense, bless him, always sending Polly off to make the coffee and forgetting he's time traveling. Hartnell also puts in a good performance, having fun bouncing off the story's rogues, and not at all seeming like a man on his way out because of health concerns. The linking narration is read by Anneke Wills (Polly) in an unfortunate monotone. I feel like she could attack it with a little more energy, but I got used to it by the second half. On a personal note, I do find that the less well-known a lost story is, the harder it is to get into it and get who's who straight on audio alone. For my daily Who project, I'll certainly supplement the experience with telesnaps when available.
Batman, suiting up for capitalism!
The Flash, no ring storage required!
Green Lantern, ready to go to work as as architect!
Superman's full body change!
And Wonder Woman with both princess AND 70s martial artist wear!
Let it be known: Just because there's a princess' dress in there doesn't mean these paper dolls aren't virile as all hell!
