Before the Outsiders, There Was the Outsiders

DC's Outsiders is one of those names the company keeps putting into print with whatever lame characters happen to be around just so it can keep the trademark (as if anyone would steal it given the stigma associated with the team). But did you know the Outsiders that hung out with Batman WEREN'T DC's original Outsiders? That's right, Mike Barr's early 80s team was just borrowing the name (my thanks to Mkhall for reminding me of this yesterday). And it really is the same trademark. Just look at the logo, it's nearly the same.

For that matter, being lame wasn't a tradition Barr's Outsiders started. It was all right there in the original: 1st Issue Special #10, 1976, by Joe Simon, Jerry Grandenetti and Creig Flessel.
These Outsiders are real freaks who put the X-Men to shame though seem to have the same basic mission - helping freaks like them against conformist mobs. There base of operations is a super-basement under a high-tech medical center where the world's most famous surgeon and handsomest man (AND former astronaut) Dr. Goodie flirts works. Flirting with nurses by day, and leading the Outsiders by night, he becomes Dr. Scary when he takes off his mask. See, on that alien planet, aliens remade his mangled body only in an approximation of humanity. And then there's the Amazin' Ronnie, a four-armed cyclops; the child-like Billy with his huge, indestructible head; Lizard Johnny who regenerates real good; Hairy Larry whose wheels are a part of himself; and the beautiful - at least, from the neck up - Mighty Mary!

Beginning an Outsiders legacy that would last decades, this comic is very badly put together. Only 17 pages of story, and I can't even understand the timeline. Consider: It starts with Doc Scary finding his cohorts in their battle uniforms, and they quickly run off to save (and meet for the first time) Billy. After the battle, Harry says the readers really should be told who they all are (4th wall, irremediably broken). Pages 6-7, Johnny's origin, but just before something happens with the lizard in his arms, we cut to another story and never return to him. 8-11, two guys find Billy in the attic and attack him, precursor to the action scene up front. 12-14, Doc Scary's origin. 15-17, Doc Goodie/Scary finishes his shift and goes down to the basement, and the last panel of the book is its first, for we've come full circle. Except Billy is in the previous panel (above). But he's yet to join.

Whatever. Their only other appearance was in Superman #692 (2009) as prisoners of Department 7734 (get your upside-down calculator for that one), but only because James Robinson is the king of the Outsiders Principle.
Oh, and the issue is accompanied by a text piece by Allan Asherman that reminds us to treat FREAKS like everybody else, because FREAKS (midgets and dwarves are the only specific people mentioned) are only different on the outside. But we can still call them FREAKS, right? That's an acceptable term?

The Outsiders - They sucked even earlier than you thought

RPGs for Losers: The Outsiders Campaign

You know, we poke a lot of fun at the Outsiders here at Siskoid's Blog of Geekery, but no matter how lame the comic book has pretty much always been, we have to acknowledge its real appeal to tabletop role-players. Because the truth is, the Outsiders are a lot like "Your Own Heroes(TM)". Some players took some real DC heroes out of mothballs - Black Lightning and Metamorpho - but most made their own. Vague concepts (Katana, Geo-Force), powers that don't really go together (GF, Halo), terrible costumes (Looker!)... even their names sound like they came from generic RPG settings. Subsequent iterations of the team didn't fare much better. The proof is in the pudding: Mayfair's DCHeroes published a number of adventure scenarios starring teams that could easily be substituted with Your Own Heroes(TM) - New Teen Titans, Infinity Inc., and yes, the Outsiders. So "typical super-team" that you can plug them into anything.

But I want to take that idea one step further. If the Outsiders are losers, never quite able to hold their own against C-list villains, they somehow still take Batman away from the true equals of the Justice League. Losers can make good eventually (it just hasn't happened in B&TO, as it slowly gets critiques in these pages). Making losers on purpose can be an interesting challenge for a Supers RPG that trades on epic victories, but it can least to an interesting experience. It could be played for comedy, but that's not really what I'm talking about here. Having heroes, played straight, who hover just above mediocrity has a lot of role-playing potential and built-in angst. The Outsiders format even provides a reason for villains to still be stopped: The Batman. You could theoretically have a GM-run hero who consistently has to bail them out of trouble, trouble often caused by their own mistakes.

Making Your Own Lame Hero isn't difficult. In fact, most chargen systems/players will produce them a fair amount of the time. Another tactic is to make every player take an established lame hero - heroes who couldn't justify a solo book, or can't anymore - and have that hero seek redemption as part of an ill-formed team. The nice thing about such characters is that they're often obscure enough to act as blank slates. I'm thinking of such patchwork super-teams as Primal Force, for example, which included Claw, Red Tornado, and Jack O'Lantern (almost all Global Guardians make good choices).

A look through Green Ronin's DC Adventures' first splat book (Heroes & Villains vol.1) might yield the following team:
-Agent Liberty
-Air Wave
-Gypsy
-Chronos II
-Aztec
(I of course could have put actual Outsiders on the list.)

But Mayfair's DC Heroes remains my favorite resource because they had so many sourcebooks full of characters. They might inspire the following:
-Son of Vulcan
-Rampage
-Sinbad
-Ultra the Multi-Alien
-Robby Reed (Dial H for Hero)
(I would have liked to put any member of Hero Hotline on there, but I want to avoid parody.)

Some of the above are actually pretty cool, but they failed to be viable headliners in the past. If you had to play a lame or obscure superhero (it need not be in the DCU), who would it be?

Halo 3: Penalties and Rewards

Batman and the Outsiders #9 - Pages 22-23
It's about to end, I swear! All Halo has to do now is find a way to punish the high school kidnappers and get Greg back to the stadium for the marching band competition. But these guys are all future lawyers!Yeah, they barely qualify for Gotham's juvie hall for the criminally insane. Halo on the other hand... she's got the crazy eye goin':
The hot pink aura is heat, if I'm not mistaken, so she's roasting these pigs!
Better not examine the panel too closely for phallic symbolism though. You could do yourself grievous psychological harm. And don't worry, they're not dead...
...but Halo did just steal their car keys AND encourage them to acquire useful car-thieving skills. Now, explain that next panel to me:
Halo just burned off their clothes, but spared the boys? How is that possible (remember, this IS Halo we're talking about). Looks like they had time to take them off and lay them in a small pile before they were turned to cinder. And now they have to stay close enough to use the blanket as a modesty shield, yet far enough that they don't actually touch. Takes all their concentration, so I doubt they even realize Halo's pun makes no sense. Let's just get Greg home.
Was there any doubt as to your identity, Greg? "It IS me!" seems a very strange realization. And he left April in quite a worrisome state, what with all those shadow band members lurking about.
Gee Halo, she IS telling him. She was WORRIED. That's a FEELING! But go ahead, play Cupid even if you have no idea what a relationship actually is.
Blast aura to the fanny seals the deal. Halo is all about fine-tuning her powers in this story. Unless her blasts have always been really weak? Maybe she can push Coldsnap and Heatstroke into each other's arms in the next issue. More evidence that Halo doesn't know what the hell she's doing: She just gave her best friend a boyfriend. We're never going to see April again.
Clark Kent's glasses? Meet Halo's colored hair streaks. Secret identity SECURED. So did Greg's pep talk do the trick? Or did they lose because Greg and April were making out under the bleachers? How can Glee be a hit, but Community is slated for cancellation? All good questions. I can answer the first two anyway:
Halo and her cloth-moving aura, eh? And now for the big twist. Ready?
The back-up story connects to the main one! See?
Except Halo Katana is decidedly less animated and Halo is holding the flute in the wrong hand. (Yes, I went there.) But you know what this means. It means Halo's breaking the fourth wall is not a stylistic framing choice, it's actually part of Outsiders continuity. She was down there talking to "readers" when the call to action came in. It HAPPENED. Adjust your character sheets to include the Reality Check power on Halo. (Wait. You're role-playing HALO?! I've had a player use Red Tornado, but that would be ridiculous.)

As Halo says, "this is the end". Until we meet again in Outsiders #10 and the conclusion of the Masters of Disaster story. But that's gonna be, what, in March or April maybe? One issue per season is more than enough for this old blogger.

Halo 2: Unsafe Tactics

Batman and the Outsiders #9 - Pages 19-22
And we're back! Hope the Christmas hiatus was good for you, and it certain helped your humble blogger not to have to look at Outsiders panels for the duration. But that Halo story has to end somehow, and we're almost getting to it. To recap: Halo has joined the marching band, and on the eve of a big marching band competition, a rival school has kidnapped Greg, the star of the show. She haloes in pursuit.No, the big time crime you've been trained for, is actually pretty medium (I'm being generous to Cryonic Man, Meltdown, Agent Orange and the rest) and yet, the Outsiders have consistently had trouble with these C-listers. So high school pranksters... maybe you've got a shot. Halo IS starting to think like a Gotham City superhero though. You know how Batman hates guns? For Halo...
What in her back story makes her hate cheaters? What back story? Halo remains such an unknown that it would be a miracle if these guys even knew who she were.
Glow-Girl, that's right. Hey, I'm impressed they've even heard of the Batman's side-band. "No-names" is right, Cliff. As for Halo, she does the right thing. She asks: What would Batman do?
And then she does something else. "Sugar in the gas tank" is one of her auras, thankfully.

And now for the best page of the entire comic, BAR NONE (that's a pun by the way). It's a Sgt. Rock/Ed McMahon story called The Toughest Ticket, by Joe Kubert.
Kubert didn't phone in ANYTHING, not even ads or PSAs. And now, back to Halo 2, already in progress.

So they would be evenly matched with Halo, these kids aren't very smart. A superhero they call Glow-Girl is after them, and their reaction is to hide in the dark. Dudes. Think about that for a second.
Fun test: Did you read those panels in the right order the first time? If not, artist Bill Williamson fails the test! Speaking of test, can Halo pass Batman's secret identity test?
As usual, the answer is "Oops." She also fails the "don't let anyone get hurt" test, by putting a holographic Greg across an unsafe bridge.
Was that even necessary Halo? Of course, her nemeses have to be about as smart as she is:
Well, ok, you're Halo and have 8 aura powers to choose from. What do you do in this situation? If you said you'd use your tractor beam aura to grab the kids out of the air, you're almost right.
You grab a BLANKY out of their car and catch them with it! Nothing could have gone wrong with THAT plan. (Well, actually, plenty. No blanket in the car, blanket doesn't get there in time, kids miss blanket, kids rip through blanket, kids get hurt by falling one on top of the other, power fails because of kids+blanket weight...). And that only takes care of two kidnappers, the third one has to grab her legs.
And I bet she's not gonna clean up the bridge debris either. That's a train track down there. Guess what tomorrow's headline in the Gotham Gazette might be. Anyway, time for punishment:
"Oops."

Tomorrow: Punishment and what you've really been waiting for - who wins the big marching band competition?

Halo Joins a Band

Batman and the Outsiders #9 - Pages 16-18
So here we go. The finale to that Outsiders/Masters of Disaster jam-up was postponed for a Halo solo story, so it better be a good one. Halo's secret origin maybe? Don't hold your breath. We will not answer any origin-related question. We will, however, be able to answer this one: Do the Outsiders have any redeeming features without the Aparo art? But I'll let you make the call about the Bill Willingham/Mike DeCarlo job. For now, let us join Halo in the Wayne Foundation basement, where Halo has already started talking...I've made sure you could read the absolutely wonderful prose of one Mike Barr (I refuse to suffer alone). So right off the bat, I'm wondering three things. 1) If we're in the basement, what is that window looking out onto?
2) What's that piece of stone on the table? Is one of the Outsiders a Close Encounters fan? Or is that actually an Outsider - Metamorpho spying on teenage girls in the basement?
And 3) Who is Halo talking to? Haha, don't be so critical Siskoid, it's just Mike Barr breaking the fourth wall for fun. This is just a kooky story that takes a break from the usual narrative. Or is it?*
Whatever the truth, Halo sure is pulling an Ambush Bug here. If you don't remember what she's talking about (and who could blame you), issue 3 featured a scene in which she was intuitively able to play the piano. What she's reminding us now is how that particular aspect of the character hasn't been touched on in over 6 months! At this rate, we'll find out who Halo is sometime next year. 2012 sounds about right for such revelations. So okay, from piano to flute, as Halo does her American Pie mash-up.
It's good to see teen superheroes interested in extracurricular activities. I think improv or reading the dictionary would have been better after-school committees for her, but marching band's fine. But at Edison High? Issue 6 showed her high school to be in the middle of town (the stadium looks to be a bus ride away) and painted white - like its students (oh no, you didn't go there - why, yes I did). Edison High is where Black Lightning teaches and in the same issue, it is portrayed as a red bricked inner city school. Was there a Crisis that merged School-1 and School-2 while we weren't looking? The DCU's continuity IS confusing, isn't it? But then, we're dealing with a school that would allow "Tonite" to be written on one of its official banners. Wait, who's that?
Don't tell Katana, but Halo has a new best friend and her name is April Dave. (Oh, I guess that's "Daye".) Neither Halo, April, Dave, nor that tiny soldier boy in April's backpack will let "Greg" down. Who's Greg?
Our story's romantic lead. And inspirational too. While the teacher is "sick" (when I was in high school, that was code for doing jail time for poaching moose - well, in Physics class anyway), Greg keeps the troops motivated. I don't know if they actually play sports at that stadium, but the kids are really into competitive band marching.
Dating advice from Halo? She's still wondering why High School is at ground level. But April is a nervous Nellie. She can't ask a boy out AND have her parents in the stands. Or apparently, remember simple biographical details about her potential best friend.
She made Halo cry. Oh, the angst! And of course, Halo has no idea what "nerd" means. She does know she's in the marching band, right? And that dating advice may be premature. I'm not saying Greg is gay or anything. I don't have to. Mike Barr is strongly implying it. Cue phone call from sick teacher.
Graffiti, impending muggings, sports teams called Rattlers... Ok, NOW I recognize Gotham City. As it will soon be revealed that the attacker is from a rival school (Carmichael High), wearing your letterman jacket kind of defeats the purpose of wearing a ski mask. It's not gonna take Batman to solve this one. The writing's pretty much on the wall... or the sky:
Someone's making out with him in the back of a station wagon! I mean OFF, making OFF with him.
And in case nobody sees their jackets, these turkeys (I mean, Cardinals) have got a bumper sticker with their school name on it. They're just begging for a chase.
I guess the band members parked out back, because we just saw a parking lot and they're all running back into the stadium. There's only one person who can help Greg now! She is the one called Sailor Moon!
Copyright lawsuit pending.

Five pages to go, but we'll have to continue this discussion after Christmas. I'm just not in the mood for an episode of Glee right now. Meet back here for Boxing Day?

*You'll have to wait for the conclusion to this story to find out the truth.

Outsiders vs. Masters of Disaster - Which Is Most Disastrous?

Batman and the Outsiders #9 - Pages 11-15
Let's get down to brass tacks (or at least, brass-plated ones). OvMoD - who wins? At least the villains have the same insecurities as the heroes...True, Becky's not a name that inspires terror, but then, neither is New-Wave (unless you're on a very niche radio station and broke your frequency button). Still, it could be worse:
"Look Out" is a pretty awful supervillain name, though if you had it, you wouldn't have to worry about your role in the team being ill-defined. Sort of like "The Driver" and "The Weasel Who Betrays the Team". And then Psimon shows up!
Ah. No. That's just a hostage with a shower cap. The Ms of D react by... looking up and stammering. Maybe they ARE worthy of the Outsiders. Watch out, jerks, because Black Lightning was hiding in that pile of manure!
(Yes, that's a metaphor for the team.) And thank you Batman for giving Geo-Force some credit. Thanks a LOT. We're probably going to pay for that with JLA memberships and Final Crisis specials. But let's use that rising anger and FIGHT!
Katana's brought her extra-long sword (it's taller than she is!), but don't worry, she's not allowed to stab anyone with it. And if you want to take back GF's credit, you can always ask why the team's flying powerhouse is taking up the rather safe rear. Now, please take your score cards out...

First match: Metamorpho vs. New-Wave - Polymorph selves!
She's not trying to rust you, Rex, because you're not made of metal. Way to understand your own powers, dude. Turn into acid yourself already! And can New-Wave turn into ANY liquid? Or is that just actual acid rain? Don't be a baby, Rex, I've been sticking my tongue out for acid rain all my life. I lived near a paper mill. A PAPER MILL!!!

Second match: Halo vs. Windfall - Glee club!
It's a draw! Halo reasons that if you have the same age as your opponent, that's enough in common to become friends. She obviously hasn't seen Mean Girls. So they just fly around all night when clearly, the girl who can shoot 8 kinds of energy beams should be able to knock out the girl who buffets her with wind.

Third match: Black Lightning vs. Coldsnap - To the beat of the music!
"Blackie"? Really? I know it's a play on his superhero codename, but still. Coldsnap definitely deserves a decathlon kick to the head.

Fourth match: Batman vs. Heatstroke - Batman don't need no theme partner!
This has happened to me. Snow sliding down a rooftop has fallen on me that way. It did not knock me out. It did not put me out of action. And my body temperature was normal too, none of that "so hot I will melt my boyfriend" kind of crazy body heat. So while I will never deny Batman a win no matter what the opponent's abilities, let's at least make it a contest!

Fifth and final match: Geo-Force vs. Shakedown - Earth Day!
And GF gets bailed out of trouble by Katana. He's more or less evenly matched with Shakedown, and has extra powers to spare (lava blasts, flight) and he still needs the petite woman in the group to karate chop his dancing partner into submission. Or is he bracing himself against a building for another reason?
But Shakedown... you haven't TOLD US what you want! I guess Batman will have to be that guy.
Wait, didn't Geo-Force anti-grav those hostages away? Not very far it seems, because they still count as hostages! Way to go, college boy. Now your pal BL is gonna have to sacrifice himself. What have you got to say for yourself?
That's a pretty extreme response, so I have a theory to explain it (that is so ME, isn't it?). Obviously, Geo-Force thinks the Masters of Disaster are recruiting. Among the disasters they represent, they don't have a thunderstorm, so of course, Black Lightning is their target. But what about GF? Sure, they have an earthquake guy already, but he could be volcano eruptions or something, right? What some people will do to get out of being roomies with Metamorpho...
So "Blackie" leaves with the Mastas, and the Outsiders just stand there looking at them leave. You know, they didn't bring the hostages with them, you should just pursue. But who am I to tell Mike Barr what to tell the Outsiders to do?
And though we're only on page 15, I'm afraid the conclusion to this story will have to wait a few months when I get up the courage to do issue #10, because now we have to break for that Halo solo story. (Priorities?) So you'll just have to be patient before you can find out how Batman, armed only with the cut-out masks of his friends, will free Black Lightning from Disaster.

Tomorrow: Halo goes to band camp.