Star Trek 299: Vortex

299. Vortex

FORMULA: The Hunted + Data Lore + The Wrath of Khan

WHY WE LIKE IT: Morn gets a name! And it's Morn!

WHY WE DON'T: A rather uncharismatic guest star.

REVIEW: It's time to learn a little more about Odo, but the creators weren't ready to give us too much. We're left with the information that his race is called "Changeling" and lives in the Gamma Quadrant, and legends that they were driven off at least one world in the distant past. Aside from the name, not much we couldn't figure for ourselves, but it's a start. And given where that story is going, you don't want to give it all away too soon.

We get what little reliable information we can from Krodin, a fugitive from the Gamma Quadrant, and though the character has sharp enough wit and generates a fair amount of pathos, I think he's the reason why I'm never very enthusiastic about Vortex. Krodin is a very awkward character when you look at his make-up, hair and costume, and I'm always distracted by how ugly it all is. It impedes on the performance. Which is really too bad, because there are some very good exchanges between the dissembler and Odo, and in the end, Krodin chooses to be a hero for his daughter. Now if only I could really care!

Technically, this is a fun enough show, with nice direction (cutting away as Odo becomes a glass - and Quark totally wise to it - or Ah-Kel trying to look past Quark's enormous ears) and effects (the pea soup nebula, the fiery explosion within, etc.) though they're too often mismatched (the lighting on the planetoid, the runabout shots with tiny Starfleet personnel inside). Well, that's what I notice when my mind strays.

As for the very pat ending, it's a reasonable out for Odo, but I'm not a big fan of Odo's creepy smile and awkward soliloquy. I also wonder what Rakar (Krodin's world) must be thinking when their prisoner wasn't brought home and no message even sent.

LESSON: Krodin's people created the Dominion. It's all their fault!

REWATCHABILITY - Medium: Like its rather generic title, Vortex falls a little limp despite everything it's got going for it, but it's still worth watching for Odo's story arc.

Batman and the Outsiders #1: Pages 12-13

A man and his purse. A manly solider and his anti-quiche policy...Not the sharpest tool in the shed despite his commendable bilingualism, is he? "What leader? I'm alone out here." Yes, but you do have a leader somewhere right? Maybe he just walked out of the corner malt shop one day, head full of Soldier of Fortune dreams, and started playing sentry in the middle of nowhere.
Mystery Man #2 is having none of that theory and drops some major bling in hopes of bringing him around. Note his manly, manly, lush eye lashes. They say two things: "I'll take you to my leader after all" and "Maybeline!"
Finally our soldier gets a name and it's STUD! How manly is that?! Also revealed: Where their mastery of the English language comes from. "Ain't" and "greenhorn"? American westerns. Simply put, I got my English from the same source, y'all.
Meanwhile, a giant amoeba is talking and thinking to itself.
Oh no wait! It's Batman! And another mystery revealed. Mystery Man #2 is Jefferson Pierce, AKA Black Lightning, chosen by Batman for his good looks. Oh Batman, like you've never done the whole black face thing. I guess a little affirmative action never hurt anyone.
New Gods Alert!: The general is Virmin Vunderbarr's bald cousin!

Death of the New Gods Alert!
Yep, he's been stabbed from the outside. Stabbing someone from the inside is much more difficult to do unless the victim is really big or you're a mozza stick at 3 in the morning.
Now here's a clear set of orders: "Some of you outside, find the assassin!" I can hear Stud now: "Am I part of the 'some'?" Jerk: "I don't know, am I?" Stud: "Well, I'm alone out here, so he can't mean me!"

What is Black Lightning going to pull out of his ass to save himself? (Except for a thought bubble, I mean.) Tune in tomorrow! Same Outsider time, same Outsider channel!

DVD Tales: Doctor Who: The Claws of Axos to Robot

Following from Doctor Who #54: Inferno...

Once more, these are all wonderful DVD packages that include an audio commentary by surviving cast and crew, dense production note subtitles, brand new making of documentaries and photo galleries. The first four of these include the participation of Katy Manning (Jo Grant) on the commentaries and she is an outright loon! Not always, but usually. Your mileage may definitely vary, but she's having fun, and that's not a bad thing, is it?

Doctor Who #57: The Claws of Axos (Michael Ferguson, 1971)
Starring the 3rd Doctor, Jo Grant and UNIT. The only story out on DVD for now with the original Master, Roger Delgado. This is really something they should rectify, because Axons isn't very good. The director has learned how to superimpose images one on top of the other so that you don't know what the heck everybody's smoking, there's a bicycling scene right out of Monty Python, and apparently, you can safely hide from a nuclear explosion at a 100 paces behind a simple truck. Still, Delgado. The DVD also includes ton of documentary extras, unused footage and vists to the locations.

Doctor Who #65: The Three Doctors (Lennie Mayne, 1972)
Starring the 1st, 2nd and 3rd Doctors, Jo Grant and UNIT. You won't see much of Hartnell because he was very sick at the time, but this is nevertheless the first "anniversary" meeting between different versions of the Doctor, as they square off against the ancient - and now mad - Time Lord Omega. There a bits of fun, but it's standard 70s glitz, with silly anti-matter blob monsters and cardboard sets. Still, Troughton. DVD extras include interviews done at the time by various BBC shows and a 1993 30th anniversary panel featuring Jon Pertwee and others.

Doctor Who #66: Carnival of Monsters (Barry Letts, 1973)
Starring the 3rd Doctor and Jo Grant. Heralded as a superb story by most because of its satirical look at television, I've never been a big fan of Carnival. I mean, it's ok (and much better than the two preceding DVDs), but to me, the 3rd Doctor's era may have aged the least well. The look is cheap and glitzy and the story rather silly. Still, Drashigs, the ultimate hand puppets of doom. This was an early release, and so there are fewer extras (no real documentary), but the DVD still includes deleted scenes (a rarity), behind the scenes footage and model sequences.

Doctor Who #69: The Green Death (Michael Briant, 1973)
Starring the 3rd Doctor, Jo Grant and UNIT. Though not the first Doctor Who I ever saw, The Green Death marks the start of my love for the show. back in the late 80s, YTV was showing Who from 3rd to 5th Doctors at one half-hour a day right after school. "Hey, let's check it out!" It was certainly less of a commitment for other family members than the combined stories showing weekly on PBS (sans cliffhangers). Mmm, giant maggots, bad CSO (blue screen), a giant computer with a flair for the dramatic, a hippie commune... And then a maggot turns into a giant fly and attacks the Doctor's car. Well, let's just say my sister was hooked right then and there. And with such familial support, Doctor Who became a daily tradition. I even got her the DVD for her birthday when it came out (though I don't think she ever forgave his regenerating into "that other Doctor"). It's also a touching farewell for Jo. DVD extras include a comedy documentary on what happened to the characters from The Green Death after this (great fun!).

Doctor Who #75: Robot (Christopher Barry, 1975)
Starring the 4th Doctor, Sarah Jane, Harry and UNIT. Tom Baker's first story as The Doctor, and he's already the witty, manic bohemian he will always be, and he's with his best-loved companion, Miss Sarah Jane Smith. She's great too. It's something of a farewell to UNIT, though they'll be seen again, but it's really time the show moved on. Sadly, the story's not very good. Fascist scientists build a robot with feeeeeeeelings in their bid to control the world's nuclear arsenal. It's pretty dopey, especially the toy tank that gets disintegrated. The cast keeps it alive though. DVD extras include a feature on how they do that opening tunnel effect (I still don't get it).

But what did YOU think? Next: Doctor Who: The Ark in Space to The Hand of Fear...

Star Trek 298: The Nagus

298. The Nagus

FORMULA: Journey to Babel + The Last Outpost + The Undiscovered Country

WHY WE LIKE IT: The Ferengi are finally enjoyable.

WHY WE DON'T: Where does the Nagus' son go after this?

REVIEW: Our first true Ferengi episode, The Nagus gives us a lot more information on the race than TNG ever managed, and sets the tone for all Ferengi stories to follow. We first meet Grand Nagus Zek, a wonderful creation as much through make-up as Wallace Shawn's performance. He's with his manservant Maihar'du, the loyal and caring mute. We first hear about the Rules of Acquisition, and that'll certainly become an important element of any Ferengi conversation (replacing the "old sayings" of yore). "Having the lobes for business", chilled tube grubs, tooth sharpening, dessicated remains on the auction block, they all first appear here.

More importantly, this is the first story where Rom is Rom. The love/hate relationship between the brothers is on the screen for the first time, and it's doubtful poor sweet Rom could ever have pressed the button to the airlock and killed Quark, even for his lowly ambitions. A still unnamed Morn gets his first starring scenes, and he's an unofficial member of the Ferengi family. And even when we visit other characters, the focus remains a Ferengi one. The B-plot centers on Jake choosing Nog over his father, with Sisko sweetly learning a valuable lesson about the IDIC philosophy, and Dax getting in a scene that never fails to amuse me in the process between her and an aubergine stew.

More than a comedy episode, The Nagus is a fun satire on business. Of course the Ferengi want to exploit the Gamma Quadrant, and the mouth of the wormhole is the perfect place for them to show up and reveal all their secrets to the audience. Protection rackets, gouge mining, corporate meetings, threats of buy outs, etc. are riffs on 20t-21sth century business practices we except from the Ferengi, but our lense has changed. Instead of the ridiculous comparison between "as we are" and "as we want to be" of TNG, we now live in a world where commerce and money are real things, which makes Quark's failures and triumphs more compelling.

LESSON: Attempted murder is only attempted murder if the attempted victim presses charges.

REWATCHABILITY - High: A wonderful primer to Ferengi culture and our Ferengi family. Ferengi epsodes will forever be hard-pressed to top this one.

Spaceknights for Freedom!

Buddy Baker - Animal Man - was freed from Vertigo's dungeons, and while the fight goes on for Swamp Thing and John Constantine, there's every reason to think FREE posters work. Chris Sims at the ISB has asked Marvel and Hasbro to free our favorite Spaceknight, and I add my voice to his: Let us join mittens and pray...

Batman and the Outsiders #1: Pages 10-11

So back to Markovia, apparently the nexus of all existence...Where is Dr. Jace from? Is that name as Teutonic as she looks? Markovia is land-locked, so I don't see why she'd use that expression. Can she see through those glasses? If not, why is Brion afraid she noticed him reaching for the melba toast spread on his brother's shoulder? All these questions have the same answer: Manhunter!
Everything about Dr. Jace is irregular... except that whole-grain bagel at the back of her head..
I'd imagine we're reading the characters translated into their own language, right? So why does Gregor sound like his mastery of the English language is lacking. "That makes perfect nonsense!" Oh, and in case you were forgetting this was a Batman comic... PATENTED SLANTED CAMERA ANGLE!!!
Though not apparent from other panels, the reason for Gregor's inability to stop his brother is obvious here. The limp sleeve reveals a missing arm, lost in a school yard tussle, the origin of the two brothers' enmity. And Tara sided with the wrong boy, that traitor.
"Leave anything you cannot carry!" That's Deportation 101, folks. "Bring what you can't carry" scarcely makes sense, does it. But wait, who is this stranger whose colloquialisms betray a more civilized state. Might he lead us from this backwards European wilderness?
Like Amber to Danielle on this summer's Big Brother, European Old Dude gives it all away before the mysterious stranger even asks. Worst. Negotiator. Ever. Don't ask why you've been oppressed all your life if you offer to be a slave to every Tom, Rex and Harry with an antique car.
The mysterious stranger (have YOU divined his identity yet, children?) has apparently ripped the dustcover off a Jace-authored book at the airport bookstore before renting a car the rental company will never see again.

But Markovia isn't totally populated by aristocrats, scientists and refugees, it's got soldiers too! Manly soldiers:
Soldier of Fortune, check. No eating quiche, check. Wow, I'm only a stack of magazines shy of being a man. Can't wait.
If you saw the cover, there can be no doubt as to who this handsome afro belongs to, but if you saw the man-purse earlier in the story, you might be confused... Rooster? Is that you?

Find out tomorrow!

Star Trek 297: Move Along Home

297. Move Along Home

FORMULA: The Royale + fizzbin

WHY WE LIKE IT: Uhm... it made me think of fizzbin just now?

WHY WE DON'T: A totally arbitrary game. Annoying guest characters. Annoyed cast.

REVIEW: Ridiculous surrealism strikes DS9, and not in a good way. The episode starts off rather well, with Sisko worried Jake is getting the birds and the bees from the gender-issue-retarded Nog, and there are some good bits here and there, like Sisko's loyalty to Dax, or Quark's cheating tactics, ot the overhead camera shots. But the Wadi, as the second representatives of the Gamma Quadrant, are dreadfully annoying, and the game they eventually pull out, Chula, is one of the worst plot devices ever.

I mean look at it! We don't know the rules, and none of the characters are allowed to know the rules. Quark might make moves, roll dice, but then unbeknownst to him, the player, the characters inside the game meet whatever puzzle or danger. They might succeed or they might not, but still, the player cannot really see it, nor does he know which piece is which. You make a move which might as well be arbitrary, and you're told a result, which also seems arbitrary. There's absolutely no reason for Quark to ever think this would make a good game for the bar, or for comments like "I'm getting the hand of this". And from an SF standpoint, the damn thing is a magical artifact, arbitrary even in how it uses the rules of the Star Trek universe.

The cast is badly served by this story too. In the "real world", we have Quark and Odo making flying leaps of logic and figuring out the missing officers are trapped in the game. Quark's groveling is mildly amusing, but comes at a time when we're just annoyed at the proceedings. Inside the game, it's much worse. Kira has never seemed so strident in her anger (ooooh, you dropped a tray of fruit, please don't hurt me) and Bashir is a real idiot, screaming to wake himself. Dax and Sisko do better, but look at Avery Brooks' face when he has to do the Alamarain hopscotch. That is not a happy actor. There's even some stumbling over obvious styrofoam rocks that I haven't seen since TOS.

Oh but hey, it's Primmin's curtain call already. Ah well. He has a nice little scene, too bad we'll never see him again. (I guess losing four officers can get you shitcanned rather quickly.) If you must watch it, also keep your eyes peeled for the Wadi's backhanded applause which will be adapted for the Bajorans.

LESSON: Every race in the Gamma Quadrant has obsessively centered its culture around a single thing.

REWATCHABILITY - Low: Possibly the worst DS9 episode of all time.